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Fatherhood
Resources
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VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR
Reading/storytelling
| monthly meetings
fundraising committee | workshop
teams
planning & participation in
special activities
operation/ logistic | mentoring
and coaching
Services Offered:
story telling
book fairs
male workshops
youth sports
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Events, News and Conferences...
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www.falconsedge.org
Hands Across Ward 5 over 300 people sign
up for services!!
The
"Men of Millennium" conference will be postpone and we
are now joining
DC
Department of Human Services, Office of Fatherhood
Initiative (DCFI) to bring together all Male & Youth Involvement Organizations
in Washington dc for
Drop in High School Graduates Seen
Short-Term Losses Forecast in Md., Va.; Gain Expected in D.C.
Boys of color
By Valerie Strauss
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, March 20, 2008; B03
Over much of the next decade, Maryland
and Virginia
will have fewer public high school graduates, but more of them
will come from minority communities, according to a report
issued yesterday.
The District, however, is expected to have a 50 percent
increase in high school graduates from 2004-05 to 2010-11,
before experiencing a six-year, 26 percent decline.
The projections are in the seventh edition of
"Knocking at the College Door: Projections of High School
Graduates by State and Race/Ethnicity, 1992-2022,"
released by the Western Interstate Commission for Higher
Education. The report is considered the most comprehensive
national look at demographic projections of high school
graduates.
According to the report, this spring's graduating class of
students in public and non-public schools will be the largest
in U.S. history -- 3.34 million -- but it will mark the end of
an era of growth.
Since 1994, the number of high school graduates nationwide
has grown by about 36 percent, but a small decline is
predicted until about 2015, the report says. By 2021-22, the
number of graduates will have grown by almost 9 percent from
2004-05.
Seventeen states, including Maryland, will experience
changes in the number of high school graduates, from a loss of
5 percent to an increase of 5 percent, from 2005-06 through
2021-22.
Maryland, which had a growth of 36 percent in public high
school graduates from 1991-92 to 2004-05, will have a peak of
58,484 graduates this spring but a drop of almost 15 percent
by 2016-17. A return to the 2004-05 peak is expected by
2021-22.
By 2014-15, non-Hispanic white students will account for
about 45 percent of public high school graduates in Maryland,
down from 62 percent in 1994-95. A 146 percent jump in
Hispanic students is projected during the decade starting in
2004-2005, and the number of non-Hispanic black graduates will
increase by a little more than 1 percent.
Five states, including Virginia, will experience increases
of 5 to 10 percent from 2005-06 through 2021-22.
Virginia will have a peak this year of 81,000 public high
school graduates and then a dip of 4 percent by 2014-15. By
then, non-Hispanic white students will account for almost 58
percent of all public high school graduates in the state, down
from almost 72 percent in 1994-95.
A 130 percent jump in Hispanic public high school graduates
is projected in Virginia during the decade that began in
2004-05. An overall recovery is projected by 2021-22, to
88,000 graduates.
The Regrets of a School Dropout
Half of Black Males Fail to Graduate With Their Class
Boys of color
By Avis Thomas-Lester
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, June 15, 2007; B01
Just walking into Largo High School left Larue Campbell
feeling the most profound loss.
Fliers about the school's upcoming prom reminded him that
he never attended his own. Posters announcing commencement
ceremonies left him wondering what it would have been like to
stroll across the stage in a cap and gown as his loved ones
cheered.
But instead of taking part in prom and graduation, Campbell
was at Largo
for night school classes to prepare for the GED exam. Last
spring, he dropped out of high school, one of hundreds of
Washington area African American males to do so each year.
"If I hadn't dropped out, I wouldn't have to go
through this now," said Campbell of his attempt to earn a
high school equivalency diploma. "I thought about going
back after I left" school, "but I thought I would be
too old. I was kind of embarrassed."
In dropping out, Campbell became part of a disturbing trend
-- black male students who walk out on their own education.
Statistics show that more than 50 percent of black male
students fail to graduate with their class each year. In some
urban jurisdictions such as New
York and Chicago,
upwards of two-thirds of them leave high school before
graduation, according to a study by the Schott Foundation for
Public Education.
In Maryland,
46 percent of black male teenagers dropped out during the
2003-04 school year, compared with 22 percent of white males.
In Virginia,
47 percent dropped out, compared with 27 percent of white male
students, and in the District, the dropout rate for black
males was 51 percent, compared with 5 percent of white males,
the report said.
Experts said the implications are stark: Dropouts struggle
to find good jobs; they become teen fathers, get arrested and
abuse drugs and alcohol at a much higher rate than that of
their counterparts who graduate from high school.
Alvin Thornton, a Howard
University administrator and author of the study that led
Maryland to pump more than a billion additional dollars into
its schools, blames a number of factors, among them the lack
of early learning opportunities, absent parenting and a
shortage of programs to engage these students in school.
"I think if we ever had any other community that found
its male children suffering as they are in our community --
they would institute programs and demand that others, like
government, help to address the problem," Thornton said.
Many dropouts, he said, experience problems as early as the
elementary years. "It's called the fourth-grade syndrome,
and it's the time when schools move away from them and they
become lost and alienated."
Sleeping Late
It's 3 p.m. on a weekday and Campbell is watching Nickelodeon
with his 5-year-old niece. He had planned to look for a job
today, but didn't. He has no car because he can't afford one.
His cellphone was recently turned off because he didn't pay
the bill.
Most days, Campbell, who lives with his aunt, Lillian
Hicks, sleeps late, eats, then watches TV. He might compose or
listen to some rap music, a hobby. Or he might check the want
ads.
"I've gone to a few places, but I haven't found
anything yet," he said.
Tall and lanky with thick tinted locks, Campbell has an
easygoing demeanor and a gentle smile. He is
uncharacteristically polite for a teenager, answering
questions with "yes, ma'am" and "no,
ma'am."
Since he dropped out, Campbell has held several part-time
jobs, including ones at Ben's Chili Bowl and McDonald's.
He recently got a call to interview at a restaurant at the
Boulevard at the Capital Centre, but he didn't go.
"I didn't have no money to get up there,"
Campbell said.
His aunt's eyes flashed.
"Larue, did you open up your mouth and call them and
tell them that?" Hicks asked, hands on her hips.
"Did you try to get there? There is nothing wrong with
your feet. If you really wanted that job, you would have gone
after it. If you wanted to get to the go-go and you didn't
have money, you would have figured out how to get there."
The teenager shrugged.
Campbell pines for a more comfortable life, one with more
stability and less drama than the one he's lived.
For several years, his home has been the split-level house
near the District line that Hicks owns and shares with her
family and his grandmother, who is legally blind and
chronically ill. Campbell's brother, a student at Largo, lives
nearby with other relatives. His mother and father, who live
out of state, both dropped out of high school. His mother left
him with his grandmother at an early age. His father has spent
time in jail, he said.
"When you have absent parents, there's no one who can
really discipline the child . . .," Hicks said. "I
took a risk and let him come here to live because I believe he
can turn himself around."
Campbell points to his sophomore year at Washington
Mathematics Science Technology Public Charter High School in
Northeast Washington as the beginning of his school troubles.
After a successful ninth-grade year, he began skipping to hang
out with older friends about the time he and his grandmother
moved to Prince
George's County from the District.
"When I started hooking, my grandmother got mad,"
he said. "She went up to my school and told them, 'He
don't want to be here. He lives in Maryland, anyway.' They put
me out."
He transferred to Potomac High School in Oxon
Hill, where he found more opportunities to skip. Nobody
addressed his chronic truancy, he said. He was suspended only
twice for truancy, even though he missed dozens of days his
sophomore year and more than a third of his junior year.
"It was like it wasn't a big deal to anybody, so it
wasn't a big deal to me," he said. Because there were no
consequences, quitting was easy.
Not Getting the Basics
Prince George's County District Judge Herman Dawson, who
regularly deals with the issue in his courtroom, said skipping
school and lack of educational support at home leaves many
young people unprepared to survive high school.
"They are not getting the basics in elementary school,
so by the time they get to high school, they have lost
interest," Dawson said. "They can't compete. Because
they can't compete, they become disruptive and eventually they
end up leaving."
Neville Adams, an English teacher at Parkdale High School
in New
Carrollton, said many black male students are pushed out.
"If you don't come to school or you walk the
halls," you "will be withdrawn from school, and that
basically leaves them with no place to go," he said.
" Later, they just don't go back. We don't try to find
out why kids aren't learning or why they're not coming to
class, we just write them off."
In Prince George's, 39 percent of African American male
students dropped out during the 2003-04 school year, according
to the Schott report. That compared with 43 percent for white
male students. Yet the county, along with Montgomery,
where 36 percent of black males dropped out, was credited with
success in retaining such students and graduating them at a
rate similar to the national average for white male high
school graduates, the report said.
Educators said that while Prince George's does better than
many jurisdictions, the dropout rate is still too high.
"We have got to do a better job of engaging these
students, helping them to overcome the problems that make them
lag behind and eventually drop out," said Howard Stone, a
former Prince George's school board member.
Campbell said several of his friends also dropped out, like
his best friend, Larry Smith, 20, of Capitol Heights, who left
school in his senior year. Smith took the GED exam and passed
it a few months later.
On a recent afternoon, the two talked about their regrets
and their futures. Smith wants to be a race-car driver.
Campbell, he said, could be his crew chief.
"Just because you drop out doesn't mean you don't have
plans," Smith said. "It doesn't mean you don't have
a future."
Lately, Campbell said, he has cut back on his television
time to study for the GED. Once enrolled in Advanced Placement
classes, he is worried about the math portion of the exam.
"I'm hoping I will do well because this will open up
another door if I do," he said. "I'll be one step
closer to the way I want to be -- working, living
comfortably."
Campbell had planned to take the exam this week but hit a
snag: He failed to send in the $32 application fee.
"I'm very upset because I wanted to get it done,"
he said. "I wanted to start having those doors opened. I
still plan to do it."
Court
initiative puts fathers back in children's lives
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Wednesday,
December 13, 2006
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By Valencia Mohammed
AFRO Staff Writer
The D.C. Superior Court held a
town hall meeting on Dec. 5, to discuss the establishment of a
Fathering Court Initiative. Over 130 community leaders, clergy
and District of Columbia court officials gathered to kick off
an unprecedented initiative to build relationships with
fathers found delinquent in paying child support. 
The goal of the initiative is to help the thousands of
Washington, D.C., children who grow up without meaningful
contact or guidance from at least one parent.
"We are coming off an intense reorganization of the
Family Court. We redesigned the way things have been done for
decades to improve the way the way the court serves children
and families in the District," said Chief Judge Rufus G.
King III.
The initiative will look at what the courts can do with
fathers who get into trouble for non-child support payments to
assist them in the areas where they are failing to help make
them better fathers.
"We have an obligation to help children in the courts by
helping to equip fathers, to be fathers and future generations
of children who have been robbed of their childhood,"
said Family Court Presiding Judge Anita Josey-Herring of the
Fathering Court Planning Committee.
The Fathering Court would provide these parents, especially
those who have recently been incarcerated, with the tools to
become emotionally and financially responsible for their
children.
The D.C. model will be based on Kansas City's "fathering
initiative."
"We will offer what ever assistance we can to help ensure
the success of the program. It breaks my heart that many
children can't touch their fathers for holidays and their
birthdays," said Carey Casey, chief executive officer of
the Kansas City-based National Center for Fathering.
"The true benefit is to give a long lasting relationship
and child support," said King.
Based on the success of the Drug Court and the Family
Treatment Court, the proposed Fathering Court will combine
needs-assessment, case management, and community resources
(with an emphasis on employment) to give non-custodial parents
the ability to meet the needs of their children.
The program will begin next spring and will continue for nine
months.
David R. Jones Sr., executive director of Falconsedge Male
Task Force, handed out flyers at the gathering to recruit
young fathers to participate in his fatherhood program.
"We started our organization to respond to children with
so many absent fathers in their lives. Many of their fathers
are in prisons far away, unemployed, on drugs or dead,"
said Jones.
According to court officials, 40 percent of children grow up
without a father, generation after generation. They learn
their behaviors by social modeling.
"We are giving the children a life sentence without the
possibility of a father," said George R. Williams,
executive director of the National Center for Fathering Urban
Father-Child Partnership, in an emotional skit he performed.
Court documents indicate in 2005 that 90,000 children were
affected by outstanding child support subpoena orders. It was
also mentioned that many fathers have problems obtaining
employment because of prison records, drug problems and
illiteracy.
"There's a big difference between dead beat dad and dead
broke dad," said Williams. "Every child needs a dad
and every man needs help to be that dad."
The overall goal is to increase the number of fathers
contributing to the children financially and to involve the
fathers in the wellbeing of their children.
"If the fathers are not empowered to meet their
responsibilities, children will be left with no chance but to
meet their fathers in their world," said Williams, a
marriage and family therapist.
"We must raise a new generation of men to be fathers in
their children's lives," said Casey
“Youth Symposium”
A Conference
For Youth and Young Adults
Washington D.C. *
September 2007
Join
us in This
FREE event will be held on September 2005 at the Shiloh
Baptist Church, Family Life Center Foundation.
Through this symposium, participants will
have many workshops and events are aimed at achieving the
following goals:
- encouraging
aboriginal youth to pursue a balance of education and
culture as the foundation for their future;
- assist
aboriginal youth in their personal, cultural, and
emotional development;
- help
aboriginal youth develop a network of positive aboriginal
role models;
- aid
aboriginal youth in focusing their strength and resources
to realize their dreams;
- strengthen
their attitude and knowledge about their culture.
Conference
workshops continue to offer a range of topics relevant to
aboriginal youth and the adults working with them. Workshop
topics include: HIV/
AIDS Awareness,
heath and fitness, youth development, youth and adult
partnerships, youth career planning, youth job placement, and
service learning. Educational Options; Career Choices; Leadership Skills; Healthy Life
Choices; Traditional Teachings, Dance, Singing, Drumming,
Craft; Sport activities and much more.
The
conference also acts as a platform for youth to showcase their
talents. Many youth develop their cultural dance skills in
school clubs others have cultivated their natural talents in
the vocal or modern and hip hop dance arts. The conference
continues to offer opportunities for youth to share their
talents with others attending the conference. This one-day
symposium as part of the forty days of peace will bring Youth
and Young adults together with a variety of local
professionals including school administrators, educators, case
managers, program directors, program managers and a host of
others youth practitioners to learn from each other.
Where:
Shiloh Baptist Church, Family Life
Center Foundation
1510 Ninth Street, NW, Washington, DC
From:
7:00am to 8:30am Registration and from 8:30am to 4:00pm
Opening Session & Workshops, & live concert and
a play “Wake Up My People & Rise”
Lunch will be provided.
For
pre-registration form and other conference
information Participation is limited and is on a first-come,
first-served basis. Please register as soon as possible please
mail in registration form or call 202-829-0028. You will
receive a call or written confirmation of your registration.
If you have not received a call or letter one week before the
program date, please call 202-829-0028 or 202-498-5468 to
check on the status of your registration.
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|
The
"Men of Millennium" conference will be postpone and we
are now joining
DC
Department of Human Services, Office of Fatherhood
Initiative (DCFI)
and Children & Youth Investment Trust Corporation to bring together all Male & Youth Involvement Organizations
in Washington dc for
"ONE
DC Family Conference"
DCFI
Father/Male
Involvement Training Conference
Family
Tools for Survival
Conference
of Education & Empowerment To Fathers \ Significant Others
Dates, time and more information coming soon!
|
|
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
'Fathers
stand behind and support'
By Amy Wieseneck
Special to The Examiner
June 17,2005
Seventy-two-year-old Ashanta Jackson always wanted a son. After
raising four daughters, Jackson got his wish 11 years ago in a way
he never expected.
His granddaughter, Jackson said, was unable to raise the child,
so Jackson ended up taking his great-grandson, Tyrek, who was then 2
months old. When Tyrek turned 7, Jackson adopted him.
Although these two have a 61-year age difference, Tyrek, 11,
calls Jackson his dad.
And Jackson, a widower, says he acts as both mother and father to
his son but emphasized the importance of a strong, upright man in
raising male children.
'Men make a difference'
"Men make a difference," Jackson said.
Jackson was just one of the many men at "Men of the
Millennium," the first annual father/male involvement
conference held in Shiloh Baptist Church's Family Life Center on
Thursday.
The conference was a precursor to Father's Day this Sunday, but
its focus was less on the usual father-son bonds and conflicts - why
does the boy want to paint his room black, wear his pants so low,
resist cleaning his room or seem incapable of doing homework without
threats - than on what happens when the fathers are absent.
Many of the youths who attended didn't have a father around.
Deandie Borum, 18, said his father was in jail most of his life.
"He made mistakes," Deandie said as he sat eating a
lunch of chicken and rice. "I still love him. I just wanna go a
different road and not make the same mistakes as him."
Absence of fathers hurts
"The absence of fathers hurts the community," said
David Jones, executive director and co-founder of FalconEdge Male
Task Force Inc., which organized the event.
His organization provides male mentors for young men who have no
positive male influence in their lives.
Speaker D.J. Andrews said eight out of 10 men in prison had an
absent father.
Jones told of one father and son. The father had been recently
freed from jail and was struggling to stay clean and sober.
"The father wants a relationship with his son and other
kids," said Jones. "We were telling the father that it
can't happen overnight, but he's impatient and in a hurry to get
things right. But we said he can't because he has to rebuild trust.
His 17-year-old feels like he's been the father and now here comes
his father back trying to discipline him."
Not every aspect of the conference dealt with grim realities.
During one workshop, facilitator Baba Evans asked participants to
recall significant moments with their fathers.
"I was on the football team," said Earl Walker, an
attendee. "I was running to get a touchdown and my father was
running down the sidelines with me. I'll always remember that."
"We don't tell them where to go," said Evans, father of
seven, about a father's role, "but [children] are going
somewhere. Fathers stand behind and support."
WPGC 95.5 disc jockey DJ Flexx talked to youths at the event
about his struggles as a teenage father. DJ Flexx admitted that he
shifted the burden to his parents and grandparents as a teenage
father.
"You gotta be careful with some of the choices you
make," he said. "You don't want to put a kid in the
equation."
Mentors don't have to be dads
Jones, whose son David Jr. attended, said he wanted the
conference to bring together all parts of the family - mothers,
fathers and youth - to "share ideas and recognize and celebrate
fathers."
"You have to really get involved with your kids, find common
ground," he said. "One kid just wanted to know how could
go about getting his music heard - he was an artist. He was 17 and
just wanted to have someone take his ambitions seriously."
Jones added, "We try to encourage males to become mentors
even if they aren't fathers. You don't have to father a child to act
like a father."
awieseneck@dcexaminer.com
QUOTES ABOUT
DAD
 "A father is always
making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he
turns her back again." -- Enid Bagnold
"It no longer bothers me that I may be constantly searching
for father figures; by this time, I have found several and dearly
enjoyed knowing them all." -- Alice Walker
"None of you can ever be proud enough of being the child of
SUCH a Father who has not his equal in this world-so great, so good,
so faultless. Try, all of you, to follow in his footsteps and don't
be discouraged, for to be really in everything like him none of you,
I am sure, will ever be. Try, therefore, to be like him in some
points, and you will have acquired a great deal." -- Victoria,
Queen of England
"That is the thankless position of the father in the
family-the provider for all, and the enemy of all." -- J.
August Strindberg
"It is a wise father that knows his own child." -- William
Shakespeare
"It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I
remember he was." -- Anne Sexton
"One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters." -- English
Proverb
"To be a successful father . . . there's one absolute rule:
when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years."
-- Ernest Hemingway
"A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to
look like his father." -- Gabriel García Márquez
"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the
need for a father's protection." -- Sigmund Freud
"I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands
work fifteen and sixteen hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed
from the bottoms of his feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone,
unable to speak the language, who taught me all I needed to know
about faith and hard work by the simple eloquence of his
example." -- Mario Cuomo
"Be kind to thy father, for when thou wert young,
Who loved thee so fondly as he?
He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue,
And joined in thy innocent glee."
-- Margaret Courtney
"If the new American father feels bewildered and even
defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does
in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being
right." -- Bill Cosby
"Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call
him father!" -- Lydia M. Child
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Anti-Father Police State
by Stephen
Baskervilletephen
Baskerville, PhD
Columnist
Cathy Young is known for her even-handed attempts to cut through the
pretensions of both the left and right. She has also shown
considerable courage by delving into what for many journalists is a
no-go zone: divorce and fathers' rights.
So
it is a little awkward to find myself cast as one of her combatants,
with my own views and others' whom I typify characterized as
"extreme." In
the December issue of Reason magazine, Young sorts out,
with her customary balance, a debate between proponents of
Clinton-Bush family engineering schemes and those of us who take a
more laissez-faire attitude toward government intervention in
family life.
Actually,
it is not my positions that are extreme but my "rhetoric"
– specifically, the words I use to describe how government is
systematically destroying families and fathers. "Political
speech and writing are largely the defense of the
indefensible," wrote George Orwell. "Thus political
language has to consist largely of euphemism." If my language
seems direct, it may be because euphemism currently obfuscates the
most indefensible politics of our time.
That
a writer as informed and astute as Young has difficulty grasping the
larger trend at work here validates Orwell's observation about the
power of language. Clichés about "divorce" and
"custody" do not begin to convey the civil liberties
disaster taking place. We are facing questions of who has primary
authority over children, their parents or the state, and whether the
state's penal apparatus can seize control over both the children and
the private lives of citizens who have done nothing wrong.
Rephrased, the question is, Is there any private sphere of life that
remains off-limits to state intervention? Bryce Christensen of
Southern Utah University (and not a fathers' rights activist,
extreme or otherwise) has characterized fatherhood policies as
creating a "police state."
Developments
in only the last few days amount to government admissions of
Christensen's charge. Under pressure from the American Civil
Liberties Union (ACLU), a Montgomery County, Pennsylvania, judge has
just freed some 100 prisoners who had been incarcerated without due
process for allegedly failing to pay child support. The fathers were
sentenced with no notice given of their hearings and no opportunity
to obtain legal representation. Fathers relate that hearings
typically last between 30 seconds and two minutes, during which they
are sentenced to months in prison. ACLU lawyer Malia Brink says
courts across Pennsylvania routinely jail such men for civil
contempt without proper notice or in time for them to get lawyers.
Lawrence County was apparently jailing fathers with no hearings at
all. Nothing indicates that Pennsylvania is unusual. After a decade
of hysteria over "deadbeat dads," one hundred such
prisoners in each of the America's 3,500 counties is by no means
unlikely.
Also
last week, a federal appeals court finally ruled unconstitutional
the Elizabeth Morgan Act, a textbook bill of attainder whereby
Congress legislatively separated father and child and
"branded" as "a criminal child abuser" a father
against whom no evidence was ever presented. "Congress violated
the constitutional prohibition against bills of attainder by
singling out plaintiff for legislative punishment," the court
said. The very fact that a bill of attainder was used at all
indicates something truly extreme is taking place. Bills of
attainder are rare, draconian measures used for one purpose: to
convict politically those who cannot be convicted with evidence.
So
do these decisions demonstrate that justice eventually prevails?
Hardly. In both cases, the damage is done. Foretich's daughter has
been irreparably robbed of her childhood and estranged from her
father. Moreover, millions of fathers continue to be permanently
separated from their children and presumed guilty, even when no
evidence exists against them.
The
Pennsylvania men will fare worse. For many, the incarceration has
already cost them their jobs and thus their ability to pay future
child support. As a result, they will be returned to the penal
system, from which they are unlikely ever to escape. Permanently
insolvent, they are farmed out to trash companies and similar
concerns, where they work 14–16 hour days. Most of their earnings
are confiscated for child support, the costs of their incarceration,
and mandatory drug testing.
This
gulag recalls the description of the Soviet forced-labor system,
described by Carl Friedrich and Zbigniew Brzezinski in their classic
study of totalitarianism: "Not infrequently the secret police
hired out its prisoners to local agencies for the purpose of
carrying out some local project…. Elaborate contracts were drawn
up…specifying all the details and setting the rates at which the
secret police is to be paid. At the conclusion of their task, the
prisoners, or more correctly the slaves, were returned to the
custody of the secret police."
New
repressive measures against fathers are enacted almost daily. Last
week, Staten Island joined a nationwide trend when it opened a new
"integrated domestic violence court." The purpose of these
courts, says Chief Judge Judith Kaye, is not to dispense justice as
such but to "make batterers and abusers take responsibility for
their actions." In other words, to declare men guilty.
Anyone
who doubts this need only look to Canada, where domestic violence
courts are already empowered to seize the property, including the
homes, of men accused of domestic violence, even though they are not
necessarily convicted or even formally charged. Moreover, they may
do so "ex parte," without the men being present to
defend themselves. "This bill is classic police-state
legislation," writes Robert Martin, of the University of
Western Ontario. Walter Fox, a Toronto lawyer, describes these
courts as "pre-fascist," and editor Dave Brown writes in
the Ottawa Citizen, "Domestic violence courts…are
designed to get around the protections of the Criminal Code. The
burden of proof is reduced or removed, and there's no presumption of
innocence."
Special
courts to try special crimes that can only be committed by certain
people are a familiar device totalitarian regimes adopted to replace
established standards of justice with ideological justice. New
courts created during the French Revolution led to the Reign of
Terror and were consciously imitated in the Soviet Union. In
Hitler's dreaded Volksgerichte or "people’s
courts," write Friedrich and Brzezinski, "only expediency
in terms of National Socialist standards served as a basis for
judgment."
Even
more astounding, legislation announced in Britain will require the
police to consider fathers guilty of domestic violence, even
after they have been acquitted in court. Fathers found "not
guilty" are to be kept away from their children and treated as
if they are guilty. As Melanie Phillips writes in the Daily
Mail, "This measure will destroy the very concept of
innocence itself."
These
are only the most recent developments. Young herself has
written eloquently on the practice of extracting coerced confessions
from fathers like Massachusetts minister Harry Stewart. In Warren
County, Pennsylvania, fathers like Robert Pessia are told they will
be jailed unless they sign confessions stating, "I have
physically and emotionally battered my partner." The father
must then describe the violence, even if he insists he committed
none. The documents require him to state, "I am responsible for
the violence I used. My behavior was not provoked." Again, the
words of Friedrich and Brzezinski are apposite: "Confessions
are the key to this psychic coercion. The inmate is subjected to a
constant barrage of propaganda and ever-repeated demands that he
‘confess his sins,’ that he ‘admit his shame.’"
G.K.
Chesterton argued that the most enduring check on government tyranny
is the family. Ideological correctness notwithstanding, little
imagination is required to comprehend that the household member most
likely to defend the family against the state is the father. Yet as
Margaret Mead once pointed out, the father is also the family's
weakest link. The easiest and surest way to destroy the family,
therefore, is to remove the father. Is it extreme to wonder if
government is quietly engaged in a search-and-destroy operation
against the principal obstacle to the expansion of its power?
December
23, 2003
Stephen
Baskerville, Ph.D., [send
him mail], teaches political science at
Howard University.
Copyright
© 2003 Stephen Baskerville
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The link below is an article that was
recently published in our local
newspaper "The Journal News". It is unfortunate that
non-custodial
parents who require supervised visits with their children will not see
them this holiday season here in Rockland
County. Many who have
read this article and live in Rockland
County New York, have become
disgraced by the fact that a county who's
high taxes are in the top
U.S. ranking and has shown one of the
fastest growth rates in the past
20 years within the tri-state area, cannot
supply the funding for
non-custodial parents to spend a few hours a
week with their children.
Many of our residents would like the
continuing investigation and
conviction of corrupt county officials and
politicians similar as to what
we have seen recently and hopefully these
investigations by state and
federal officials will resolve the problems
indicated in this recently
published article and we can hope not to see
articles like this again.
Jeff Talamini
Rockland County Resident and non-custodial father
Children really need both parents, not politics.
Jeff6strings@lanline.com
The Journal News
December 09, 2003
Parents lose supervised visits until next year
by KHURRAM SAEED
Mikhail Salama won't see his 10-year-old daughter over the holidays
because the program that allows noncustodial parents such as him to
have supervised visits with their children has temporarily closed.
Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA), the nonprofit agency that
offers the visits two days a week at the Suffern YMCA, ended the
program Nov. 20 and won't reopen it until Jan. 8.
CASA's director blamed the closing on a lack of money, but a Rockland
Family Court judge, an architect of the local program, said it could
have been avoided had the agency planned better.
Whatever the reason, Salama, who lives in Suffern, and another 100 or
so Rockland parents who need a Family Court-approved supervisor in the
room in order to spend time with their children, won't be able to give
them
Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa gifts until
after the holidays have gone.
"Most of the time, I cry," said Salama, who last saw his
daughter on
Nov. 15. "I look at her picture like I have lost the love of my
life."
Participants in the CASA program learned it was being suspended days
before it closed.
Rockland's two Family Court judges order supervised visitation for the
parent who doesn't have custody when that parent is recovering from
drug or alcohol addiction, when there are extended separations, mental
health issues, allegations or indications of domestic violence or
sexual abuse or when there is the threat of abduction.
Catherine Walber, CASA's executive director, said the contract agency
received $44,000 from Rockland taxpayers this year to pay eight to 10
part-time supervisors, many of whom hold full-time jobs in the county's
probation department, child protective services unit or drug court. But
CASA already used all of its funding, which she said was not enough to
meet with increasing demand.
"We regretted this," Walber said. "But there was no
choice."
When the program started in June 1999 at the Nyack YMCA, she said,
CASA received $60,000 to cover the costs for
supervised visits for about
50 noncustodial parents. This year, it
received less money from the
county but worked with twice the number of
parents.
To save money, the agency reduced weekly visitation hours from 10 to
six. Hourly visits are held from 6 to 8 p.m.
Thursdays and from 9:30 a.m.
to 1:30 p.m., Saturdays.
Parents are allowed to use one of several private rooms at the YMCA,
where they play, feed, hold or talk with their children, who range from
newborns to teenagers, under the watchful eye of a CASA supervisor.
A security guard also is present.
Walber said the agency would have had to close early last year but
instead opted to borrow money from its national headquarters. The
agency didn't want to do that again.
Family Court Judge William Warren, who spent years advocating for
a centralized supervised visitation, said
Rockland's program had been
"very successful."
"For me, it's incredibly disappointing to see this come to such a
precipitous end," Warren said.
While he said the county's fiscal situation played a part in the early
shutdown, Warren said there would have been enough funding if the
agency had kept to a fixed number of monthly visits as it had planned.
"We knew we had $44,000 that could be expended over the year,"
he said. "If you're going to have it
last for the entire year, you can only
spend so much each month. That plan was not followed."
Walber took a different view.
"The irony is, the more successful the program is, the more money
we
lose because we have to pay the supervisors," she said.
CASA officials said more changes could be expected next year because
the program's total 2004 funding increased by only $900.
Walber said some suggestions being considered included restricting
visits to every other week, offering visits only three weeks a month or
closing for a month during the summer.
Parents who want to see their children over the next few weeks are not
completely without options. They can make arrangements to hire outside
supervision with the court's permission.
The biggest drawback to that is that it can be costly.
The CASA program charges a parent $10 to $25 per visit, depending on
his or her income. A private supervised visit costs about $40 per hour.
Warren said he didn't know of any parents seeking that option.
Jennifer Williams, who worked four to six hours a week as a CASA
supervisor before the program went on hiatus, said the benefits to both
child and parent were enormous.
"As limited as the time is, it's a chance for the parent and the
child
to keep some type of bond going," said Williams, who works full
time
as a Rockland probation officer. "It's
very important."
Williams felt bad that many parents wouldn't see their children during
the holidays, but understood the agency had its own funding issues to
consider.
"I see it," Williams said, "as a lose-lose
situation."
--
Reach Khurram Saeed at ksaeed@thejournalnews.com
or 845-578-2412.
Copyright 2003 The Journal News, a Gannett Co. Inc. newspaper.
Journal News Home: http://www.thejournalnews.com/
~~~
Related article about a PA county, strictly
about the funding process:
LCCC funding slammed again at county meeting
by Bud Angst -- News Item, 19 Dec 03
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Wanted: Men, Hispanics for PTA duty
Monday, October 27, 2003 Posted: 2:54 PM EST
(1954 GMT)
 |
Roman Castillo and daughter LeAla take part in the races at
New Mexico's Susie Rayos Marmon Elementary. Festivities
encouraged more input from dads.
|
school, wait with other parents to greet the
teachers and take his stand in no man's land.
"So there I am, and it's 15 mothers and me," recalled Frank
Kwan, communications director for the Los Angeles County Office of
Education. "And they're looking at me funny, as if to say, 'Do you
have a real job?' It took a little bit of adjustment."
Soon other fathers approached Kwan when they found out he was the only
dad who volunteered in Alaina's class in Glendale, California. By the end
of the school year, 10 fathers joined in as classroom helpers, thanks in
part to Kwan's pitch: Just give it a try.
Such outreach is happening across the country as the PTA aims to
recruit members and develop leaders among groups not widely represented,
particularly men and Hispanics. In the past, the PTA has launched similar
initiatives that focused on recruiting minority members, including
African-Americans.
Nine of 10 PTA members are women and more than eight in 10 are white,
the organization estimates. Hispanics are projected to account for almost
one in four public school children by 2020, yet they make up only 4
percent of the PTA's 6.2 million members.
The group was founded as the National Congress of Mothers more than a
century ago and later changed its name to the Parent-Teacher Association.
The PTA has realized that to back up its slogan -- "Every Child, One
Voice" -- it needs some fresh voices of its own.
"You can't be a parent organization, a really strong, vibrant one,
if you're not reflective of all the parents," said National PTA
President Linda Hodge of Colchester, Connecticut. "It's imperative
for the organization to make that happen."
The PTA's national agenda over the years has ranged from promoting
polio vaccinations to teaching parenting skills. At the local level, PTAs
often pay for field trips, computer software and textbooks the school
system could not otherwise afford, along with getting volunteers to help
in classrooms or with school projects.
With 26,000 local chapters, the PTA is active in more than one of every
four public schools. Yet more diversity is needed for the organization to
remain relevant, strengthen its base and build its clout, leaders say.
All that leads to the top goal: helping more kids succeed by getting
parents or guardians involved in schools. Research on fathers, for
example, shows children do better in class when fathers get involved.
Recruiting dads
"Historically, a school has been a place where the women go in,
help out the teacher, help out in the office and, if you want to go
further back, do the bake sales," said Renata Witte, immediate past
president of the New Mexico PTA. "As dads have become more of a
partner in the raising of children, I'm not sure we've changed that school
culture."
The New Mexico PTA sent every school in the state a brochure of
activities for dads, featuring a clip-and-send form for fathers who want
to read in class. Every school also got posters promoting participation by
dads, Witte said, designed to make sure male visitors don't feel like
intruders.
David Brandenburg shares a laugh with daughter Kassi at the
PTA-organized "Olympics," a father-friendly event at
Susie Rayos Marmon Elementary.
|
|
Men tend to like serving on legislative committees, helping with school
technology and landscaping projects and aiding students in class, leaders
say. What they do not like is sitting through those traditional PTA
meetings.
"That's just the nature of men," said Mark Clinard, a
minister and president-elect of the PTA at Harp Elementary in Springdale,
Arkansas. "They want to come and get a list -- 'What do I need to do
to help?' -- as opposed to discussing, 'Are we going to do this? Should we
do this?' You can watch men, they'll just tune out."
Clinard, who got plugged in through a program that encourages dads to
spend a day at a school, said getting more male leaders will take time. At
his first state PTA meeting, for example, people were puzzled a father
would be so engaged. It was assumed he was a teacher or administrator.
To recruit Hispanic parents, many of whom have never had a PTA as part
of their culture, the National PTA regularly produces materials in both
English and Spanish. A Hispanic outreach initiative is being tried in
California, Florida and Texas.
An organizer in that program, Rick Mendiondo of Harlingen, Texas, has
worked to build the PTA's Hispanic base in towns near the Mexico border.
Over the past year, eight schools in the community of Los Fresnos, Texas,
have formed PTAs. Still, the low Hispanic membership figure nationally
underscores how much ground the PTA has to cover.
"That just motivates me, and hopefully I can build that motivation
in others," said Mendiondo, an insurance broker.
Kwan has been an advocate of fatherhood initiatives for years, but his
rapid rise to National PTA board member began with his experience as a
classroom volunteer. Children can be good recruiters for the PTA, said
Kwan, who watched other fathers get hooked on helping when students
joyfully tugged on them in class.
"It becomes 'Oh yeah, you got me,"' he said. "That's how
it begins."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Tennessean Thursday, August 28, 2003
Courts playing fast and loose with the lives of children
by JANET WEBB and DANIEL LEE
In the last legislative session, about 70 bills were filed
regarding child custody and support, alimony, and judicial procedures.
This unusually high number offers a glimpse into a revolution occurring
in family law and government and the increasing numbers of citizens
contacting their legislators about the problems. One serious issue is
children being kept apart from loved ones. For decades, family courts
have routinely limited good dads to a few days a month with their kids
and denied them any decision-making role. That creates fatherless
children, the detrimental effects of which are widely documented and
understood. This practice continues as shown by a study being done by
the citizen's organization Child's Best Interest. Respondents indicate
less than one dad in 10 is awarded custody in Tennessee courts. Also the
relationship between children and other family members, including
mothers and grandparents, are increasingly being limited. More than half
of the moms and dads in the CBI study indicate they have six days a
month or less visitation, and shockingly more than 20% say they have 1.5
days or less. This is part of a legal trend to separate parenting from
biology and attach it to whomever the government designates as the
parent. In a recent California case, their state supreme court affirmed
an order giving a child two mothers. That case mentioned an Alaska judge
who gave a child three parents and opened the door to any number of
persons being designated as a parent. A child's best interests are
served by being raised by his or her natural mother and father as long
as they are not unfit. Boys and girls each benefit from a male and
female authority figure, and lacking that, their social and
psychological development is incomplete. If there's more than one mom or
dad, the child will be confused about who is their model for behavior,
and an arrangement with more than two parents creates uncertainty as to
who's responsible for the child. The legal community, primarily the
judiciary, is performing social engineering against children's best
interests. The context these legal and social changes are occurring in
is the judicial branch transitioning from a body that interprets law, to
replacing the legislative branch and making law. One way they do this is
by not applying constitutional guarantees. Long ago, the U.S. and state
supreme courts acknowledged parents have fundamental rights to raise
their children. This set the standard that intrusions into the
parent-child relationship would only occur if abuse or neglect was
present. With fundamental rights at stake, a legal test called ''strict
scrutiny'' is applied. Over the last few years, it has been brought to
the attention of all Tennessee appeal justices, and many trial judges
and law school professors, that there are no rulings applying strict
scrutiny to divorcing parent or paternity child custody cases. Rather
than act, legal practitioners continue to churn out constitutionally
suspect orders, adding to the 300,000 existing today. Many include the
forcible removal of one or both fit parents from their child's life, all
were issued under an incorrect legal standard and thus are subject to
being overturned. This is a continuing social and legal crisis and
represents the judicial branch destroying its credibility. There are two
simple ways to solve this. The judiciary can issue a ruling in
accordance with established constitutional law, or the legislature enact
an appropriate child custody statute. Janet Webb is a nurse and is
undergoing judge advocate training in the Child's Best Interest
Nashville chapter. Daniel Lee is the president of Child's Best Interest.
They can be contacted at info@childsbestinterest.org.
© Copyright 2003 The Tennessean / A Gannett Co. Inc. newspaper. The
Tennessean Home: http://tennessean.com/
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| WHAT ABOUT FATHERS? July 29,2003
By Kathleen Sylvester/Jonathan O''Connell
A 25-year-old father struggles to keep up a
good relationship with his 5-year-old daughter. Each weekend, he
leaves the public housing complex where he lives in Roanoke to visit
his daughter at her mother's home. When he gets there, he sings
songs with her, helps her practice her ABCs or takes her to visit
relatives.
Like many noncustodial fathers, he
has overdue child support payments. But he is no "deadbeat
dad." In addition to sharing a loving relationship with his
daughter, he desperately tries to earn enough money to make his
child-support payments. Unfortunately, while he was working for a
local housekeeping company in the spring of 2002, his mother had
knee surgery and required his care. Because his job didn't provide
time off, he was forced to quit. His child-support bills began to
mount, and in September the Commonwealth of Virginia sentenced him
to 30 days in jail for overdue support.
When he got out of jail, the young father found a
short-term job at an auto repair shop. When that ended, he signed up
with a temporary employment agency so that he could be assigned to
jobs that provide frequent paychecks - and the chance to stay out of
jail. None of these jobs has offered benefits or opportunities for
permanent employment. In addition, Virginia has suspended his
driver's license for not paying support, severely limiting his job
options.
With only a high school degree and a
limited work history, he is like millions of young men who are
forced into jobs that offer low pay, no benefits and little
opportunity for advancement. Such limited options keep these fathers
- many of whom are unmarried - from being the dependable
child-support providers and caregivers that they would like to be.
Stories of such men are not rare. Indeed, research
demonstrates that there are many who share his plight.
First, single fathers face many of the same obstacles as single
mothers, but are much less likely to receive needed services. In
2001, the Urban Institute reported that low-income, noncustodial
fathers suffer from similarly low levels of educational attainment
and high levels of unemployment as their female counterparts.
Despite the similarities of the two, far fewer noncustodial fathers
benefit from government-sponsored education or job-training
programs. The most recent study of federally funded job programs
found that only 4 percent of low-income, noncustodial fathers had
received job training or GED classes, compared with 19 percent of
low-income mothers.
Research by the Center for Law and Social
Policy shows that some laws meant to help families have the
unintended effect of alienating fathers. The most obvious case of
this lies with the child-support system, which allows states to
charge high rates of interest on overdue payments - often sinking
low-income fathers into thousands of dollars in debt. In California,
for example, child-support officials often set support orders
without first determining fathers' incomes - or even whether they
are working. Rather than trying to maintain relationships with their
children, many low-income fathers stop trying altogether, abandoning
both their financial responsibilities and their children.
What makes this abandonment even more unsettling are
results from the Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study, a joint
project of Princeton and Columbia universities. The project is
studying poor, unwed parents and their children in 20 cities over a
five-year period beginning at the birth of their children. The
study's results so far strongly contradict the stereotypes about
low-income unmarried fathers. Researchers found the new fathers want
to be involved in their children's lives and support their new
families. Clearly, many fathers end up not paying child support not
because they don't want to, but because they lack sufficient skills
to earn the money to do so. And more
recent research specifically demonstrates the obstacles that
low-income fathers face in paying child support. A new report from
the Social Policy Action Network examined what happens when
noncustodial fathers in four cities - Austin, Tex.; Columbus, Ohio;
Minneapolis; and Philadelphia - tried to get the services they
needed to nurture and support their families.
The report found that caseworkers in many
social services agencies don't think of fathers as their clients.
Although they frequently inform and refer women to available
services, caseworkers rarely considered doing so for men. In part,
this stemmed from lack of training on how to work with men. Many
front-line workers don't view fathers as members of the families
they serve, but as the cause of their families' problems.
The report also found a widespread mistrust of government among
low-income fathers. In some cases, these feelings are warranted. One
father in the study told researchers that he was jailed for not
paying child support soon after he started a new job; the state had
checked the Social Security numbers of newly hired employees against
a database of those who owed child support. Instead of being able to
support his children, he went to jail.
The study also highlighted an additional barrier faced by these
fathers. In many cases, private-sector employers are reluctant to
hire low-income men - especially men of color. Employers actively
screen out these men through credit checks, criminal background
checks, literacy requirements and the GED test - regardless of the
skills needed for the jobs they are seeking.
In reality, some fathers do not assume responsibility and must be
compelled to support their children. But for those fathers who want
to support their families, giving them a chance would be well worth
the investment. If the changing makeup of our nation's families has
taught us anything, it is that the fathers' absences can be
devastating for children. Census figures report that the 23 million
children who live without their biological fathers are nearly three
times more likely to grow up in poverty.
The non-economic costs of fathers' absence may be
even more serious: Children raised without fathers at home are more
likely to engage in alcohol use, drug use and sexual activity at a
young age, and are less likely to do well in school. Conversely,
children whose fathers engage in their lives benefit immensely; they
are more likely to have high self-esteem, be better learners and be
less likely to be depressed.
All of these facts point to the need for some incentives
for states and communities to work with fathers. Politicians of both
parties have promised their support for "responsible
fatherhood," often in combination with efforts to promote
healthy marriages. The House of Representatives included in its
version of welfare $20 million in funding for service projects and
demonstration projects to help noncustodial parents get the jobs and
parenting skills needed to be good fathers.
The Senate has the opportunity to further fulfill these promises to
promote responsible fatherhood. When it reauthorizes welfare reform,
the Senate should allow states to count the work of fathers who are
paying child support toward welfare's work requirements for
families.
In addition, it should eliminate the current law's
separate, higher work-participation rate for two-parent families
because that discourages states from providing help to such
families. Since 1996, millions of
former welfare mothers have left the rolls and begun working. But
while they have left welfare behind, they have not escaped poverty.
Children who grow up with two parents working have the best chance
of escaping poverty. Kathleen Sylvester and Jonathan O'Connell are
director and policy associate at the Social Policy Action Network.
() For more great articles, visit us at http://www.washingtontimes.com
Copyright (c) 2003 News World Communications, Inc. All rights
reserved. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ten-year hell is over for a
loving father
After going to
jail, a hunger strike and 130 court appearances, Mark Harris
finally has his family back
Amelia Hill
Sunday June 22, 2003
The
Observer
Mark Harris has made 130 court appearances in 10 years, before 33
judges. He has picketed judges' houses and spent more than three
months in jail.
His crime? He wanted access to his three young daughters. Last
week, in a ruling seized on by an army of militant fathers, Harris
learnt that he had triumphed.
'The last decade has been absolute hell and devastation,' said
Harris, a driving instructor from Devon, in an exclusive interview
with The Observer. 'My kids have missed their father being part of
their childhood and I've missed watching them grow.'
His battle has become a cause célèbre for divorced and
separated fathers who claim their relationships with their
children have been torn apart by a legal system that is
automatically prejudiced against them.
Harris's nightmare began in 1993, when his wife of 10 years
left the family home with their children as he was watching a
football match in a local pub. The girls were two, four and six at
the time. 'I still saw my children, dropping them off at school
and picking them up most days, like I'd always done,' he said.
But the arrangement deteriorated and Harris's visits were
blocked. The situation improved in 1994 after a court granted him
unrestricted access, but by October 1996 the girls complained that
they weren't getting on with their mother's new partner and asked
to live with their father.
After this request, all access with Harris was severed by the
court. He appealed, but the earliest date a hearing was granted
was the following April.
'In the meantime, I wasn't allowed anywhere near my children,'
he said. 'I was reduced to standing on the corner when they were
being driven to school so I could wave at them. It was the only
way I could let them know I still existed and be sure that they
were still all right.'
When the case came to court, Harris found that his former wife
had complained that his attempts to maintain contact constituted
harassment. The judge set an injunction preventing him from
'harassing, pestering or upsetting' his ex-wife and froze all
contact between him and his children until a new hearing in July.
When the case came back to court, the judge accepted that the
'deep wishes of three intelligent girls' was to have contact with
their father. Yet, in a 65-page judgment, he found that Harris's
former wife had been left with a 'feeling of being stalked and
harassed' by his attempts to contact his children, and jailed him
for four months.
When Harris was released after 45 days, he determined to keep
to the letter of the law, but then his children contacted a mutual
friend and asked him to ring them. 'They didn't understand why I
had dropped all contact. What was I supposed to do?'
Because Harris replied to his children's request, when the case
came back to court contact was again refused.
By November 1998 tentative contact was restored for the first
time in two and a half years. 'It was a complete shock, seeing
them again,' he said. 'They behaved like complete strangers.'
Still, the meetings went well and at the next court hearing the
court welfare officer suggested upping the number of visits.
Harris's ex-wife, however, disagreed, saying that the meetings
were too disruptive. 'She didn't have to give examples of what was
disruptive and no one listened to what the children said about
wanting to see me,' said Harris. Visits were reduced to one every
two months.
Faced with seeing their father for just six days a year, the
girls gradually stopped visiting. 'That's just not enough contact
to hold the interest of small children,' said Harris. 'I was
completely devastated.'
So he started protesting. At first, this consisted of a small
handful of passionately determined fathers targeting the homes of
judges who had denied them contact with their children.
'It was extreme, but my life had been ripped apart and my
relationships with the three people I loved more than anything in
the world had been stretched to the point of collapse,' he said.
In January 2001 Harris attended a hearing designed to build the
number of visits up again. His barrister told him to expect a fine
and a telling-off for the protests. Instead, Mr Justice Munby gave
Harris 10 months in Pentonville Prison, where he went on a short
hunger strike. Released after 84 days, he was told to employ a
court-approved psychologist to represent him at £100 a day. The
psychologist backed Harris and in January he saw his youngest
daughter, now 12 years old, for the first time in more than six
years.
'My other daughters said they wanted nothing to do with me,
which hurt desperately, but they had been through hell and I
understood that,' he said.
On 22 March, the last supervised visit took place and Harris
was optimistic that the next court hearing would find in his
favour. Then he received a phone call from his eldest daughter,
now 16, saying she loved him and wanted to live with him. 'She had
packed her stuff and that of my youngest daughter and wanted me to
pick them up,' said Harris. In breach of all orders, Harris agreed
to collect them.
Once back at his home, he contacted a High Court emergency
hotline. A judge returned his call and granted a temporary order
followed by a three-month trial period of residency, which last
week became permanent.
Now Harris's eldest daughter lives with him, his youngest
daughter moves between both parents, and his middle daughter
visits twice a week.
'I have been completely vindicated,' he said. 'But although we
are a family again we have deep scars and traumas that we will
never entirely get over.'
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Father's
Day, 2003
By the President of the United States of America
A Proclamation
Fatherhood is one of life's most challenging yet fulfilling
endeavors. On Father's Day, we honor America's fathers and express
our appreciation for all they do to help build a strong foundation
for our children and our Nation. We also reaffirm our commitment to
supporting fathers and encouraging responsible fatherhood in our
society.
Fathers have indispensable roles to play in the lives of their
children: provider, protector, nurturer, teacher, and friend. Every
caring father unconditionally loves his sons and daughters and
strives for the best for his children in the future. In seeking to
give their children the opportunity to succeed, fathers offer needed
strength, guidance, and discipline.
Fathers teach their children many basic things in life: how to
read a book, throw a ball, tie a necktie, ride a bike, or drive a
car. More importantly, they also help instill time-honored values in
their children, such as hard work, respect, honesty, and good
citizenship. Through their words, actions, and sacrifices, fathers
play an important role in shaping the characters of their sons and
daughters.
The time and attention that a father gives to a child is
irreplaceable -- there is no substitute for the involvement and
commitment of a responsible father. Not only are fathers essential
to the healthy development of children, they also influence the
strength of families and the stability of communities.
For this reason, our Government is working to help fathers
succeed in this challenging, but life-affirming, role. Over the last
2 years, my Administration has taken important steps to promote
responsible fatherhood and encourage community-based initiatives
that help them fulfill their important roles. We are working to
provide funds for healthy marriage and parenting education and for
community mentoring programs to help fathers become more engaged and
involved in their children's lives.
This Father's Day, we recognize the many fathers who are heroes
and role models for their children, and we encourage more men to
fulfill this responsibility by loving their sons and daughters with
all their heart and demonstrating this love daily. By working
together to encourage America's fathers, we can strengthen our
society and help ensure the well-being of all our children.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States
of America, in accordance with a joint resolution of the Congress
approved April 24, 1972, as amended (36 U.S.C. 109), do hereby
proclaim June 15, 2003, as Father's Day. I encourage all Americans
to express love, admiration, and thanks to their fathers for their
contributions to our lives and to society. I direct the appropriate
officials of the Government to display the flag of the United States
on all Government buildings on this day. I also call upon State and
local governments and citizens to observe this day with appropriate
programs, ceremonies, and activities.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirteenth
day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand three, and of the
Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and
twenty-seventh.
GEORGE W. BUSH
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Groups Unite Against D.C. Homicide Rate
Father's Day for a symbolic moratorium because most
homicide victims are male, leaving hundreds of children fatherless.
100 Honor Victims, Back Murder 'Ban'
By Monte Reel
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, June 16, 2003; Page B03
About 100 area residents and community leaders gathered downtown
yesterday at Freedom Plaza to remember recent D.C. homicide victims
and to celebrate their declaration of a moratorium on murder for
Father's Day weekend.
Proclaiming an end to murder in the city and actually seeing all
killings stop are two very different things, and the distinction was
lost on no one in the crowd. But many said that simply setting such
a goal was a step in the right direction for a city where 262 people
were killed last year.
"People say it's crazy to think you could eliminate murder
in the city," said David Bowers, founder of No Murders D.C.,
one of more than 20 advocacy and victim-support groups that
sponsored the event. "But what's crazy is that in a city of a
half-million people and 4,000 police officers, a couple hundred
murderers keep us cowering in fear."
The event was spearheaded by Kenneth E. Barnes, whose son was
murdered in 2001 in his U Street clothing store. Barnes is executive
director of Reaching Out to Others Together (ROOT), a nonprofit
organization that supports families of homicide victims. Building a
coalition of other support groups and social service organizations,
Barnes said the organizers chose Father's Day for a symbolic
moratorium because most homicide victims are male, leaving hundreds
of children fatherless.
The groups lobbied city leaders, and the D.C. Council and Mayor
Anthony A. Williams (D) signed off last week on a resolution to
support the moratorium.
"There has been just one homicide this weekend," Barnes
said yesterday afternoon. "We had so many people supporting
this cause from all different communities in the city, I know we
saved some lives this weekend."
Last year's homicide count of 262 followed a count of 233 in
2001, which was the lowest figure since the 1980s. This year, the
pace of homicides is exceeding last year's rate by 9 percent.
Anti-violence activists recited the murder rates of selected
other large cities -- such as Seattle, Boston and San Diego -- that
in recent years have experienced fewer than 60 homicides annually.
"Part of what we're trying to do is break down the
assumptions of what living in a big city is like," said Bowers,
who emceed yesterday's event. "There are communities that rise
up in an uproar every time a murder occurs, saying, 'How could this
happen here?' We don't do that. We have come to accept that a couple
hundred murders a year is the price to pay for living in the
city."
Most of those who listened to yesterday's prayers, poetry and
speeches were family members of homicide victims. Several wore
T-shirts with scanned images of the victims, and most wore purple
ribbons in memory of their loved ones.
Montoria Freeland, who is active in the D.C. chapter of Survivors
Taking a Righteous Stand Against Homicide (STARS), said she has lost
12 relatives to homicide in the D.C. area, including her son and his
father. She and other family members have been left to take care of
many of their children.
"And what do they all have in common?" Freeland asked.
"No fathers, no fathers, no fathers."
Gregory Robinson, whose 20-year-old son was killed in 1999 in the
District while home on summer vacation from college in Atlanta, was
among those representing Survivors of Homicide Inc., also a support
group for family members. He said that yesterday's event and the
weekend moratorium helped bring together many scattered support
groups that hadn't had much contact before.
"As it stands now, every group pretty much does its own
thing," Robinson said. "Maybe this will get us working
together more."
Barnes and Bowers said they plan to make the event an annual
occurrence. They also plan to expand their efforts and to try to
form a working committee to explore how to reduce homicides.
"Now we're in the process of identifying key stakeholders,
and we think of it kind of like forming a committee to bring the
Olympics to town," Bowers said. "If others say we affirm
the goal of no murders and take ownership of the issue, then we can
get them involved in constructive ways."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"I'm asking Dad!"
|
Do
Dads do it differently?
By
now, we know about the benefits that active fathers bring
to their children’s lives. But do dads really parent so
differently than moms when it comes to doling out advice
or tending to their children’s problems? Often times,
yes, but whether it’s a matter of mere gender is up for
debate.
Marc
and Roger Rousseau are brothers who live within 10 minutes
of each other. But geography and a sibling relationship
aren’t the only things they have in common. Between them,
they’re raising five girls, ranging in age from 10 to 16,
and the issues they confront as fathers aren’t always
sugar, spice and everything nice.
It’s
not always smooth sailing for fathers of boys, either. Jim
Merkey recalls the time he was put on the spot when a bully
kicked his son during a football game.
And Henry Biller remembers trying to
help his young son when it became apparent that prejudice
kept one of the boy’s best friends from being invited to a
birthday party.
Welcome
to fathering in the 21st century, where dads are hardly
isolated from the day-to-day child-rearing problems of
bullies and cliques, academic troubles, body changes, female
hormones and dating. As moms and dads continue to have more
equal and involved parenting roles than in the past, fathers
handle just as many of their children’s “growing
pains” as mothers do. And the many benefits of having a
strong, involved father figure – including higher
self-esteem, girls who exceed at math and children with
fewer gender stereotypes – have been well-documented.
We
know from child development experts how fathers react
differently to infants and toddlers: they’re more likely
to let their children explore and take risks, for example.
But what about when kids get older and start facing problems
with peers, academics or dating? Do fathers give their
children different advice, support or comfort than mothers?
In many cases, definitely. But just how much of a role
gender plays in those differences is up for debate.
Problem
Solvers
Kyle Pruett, a nationally renowned psychiatry professor at
Yale
University
’s
Child
Study
Center
and
Medical
School
and
the author of Fatherneed,
says situations vary, but his studies have found that dads
generally do handle conflicts differently.
“Take
the bully problem,” Pruett says. “Fathers
are more tolerant than mothers, in general, in letting their
children handle their own frustrations and deal with the
expectations of the world. A mother is more willing to
examine the social relationships involved to try to find out
who’s right and who’s wrong. The father is more
interested in solving the problem and helping his kid figure
out how to avoid being bullied again.”
Yet
Pruett is quick to point out – as are other fathering
experts – that these are generalizations. The opposite is
often true, he says. “I know fathers who would do exactly
what the mothers would normally do and mothers who would
take the ‘father’ approach.”
Biller,
a psychology professor and author of several books on
fatherhood, agrees that dads usually push their kids to be
independent.
“I
think on average the dads would probably be more likely to
encourage their children, particularly a boy, to handle the
situation,” he says. “Certainly if it was something
about being teased or being pushed around, they would say,
‘Well, you should speak up about it.’”
Fathers,
Biller says, are not “as tuned in” about a child’s
feelings as mothers are. “Moms have a tendency to get more
emotional, more worried about it and be more protective,”
he says. “I think fathers tend to provide more of a
‘thinking-things-through approach’ in a problem-solving
way.”
As
an example, Biller recounts a poignant incident more than 30
years ago when his oldest son was in the first grade. Biller,
who is white, says his son was very tight with two other
boys, one of whom was black. His son was invited to a very
elaborate birthday party thrown by the family of the other
white boy, but the black boy was not invited.
“My
son got very concerned,” Biller says. “I knew the other
boy was black and that might be the reason. I said to my
son, ‘I’m not going to tell you what to do, but we’ll
find out and then it will be your decision.’”
Biller
called up the father who issued the invitation, saying he
was curious why the other boy was not invited. “We invite
who we want,” was the curt response.
“My
son was not comfortable about it and he didn’t go. I said,
‘If you want, we can invite Robert (the black boy)
over,’ and that’s what we did. It was a learning
experience about life,” says Biller.
Image
Conscious
The perceived consequences that may result from a child’s
conflicts with peers can also differ between mother and
father, says Jack Miller, who directs a fathers and family
network.
“If
my children had a problem with a friend, my wife would look
at the relationship itself and how it affects the other
person,” says Miller, who has a son in high school and a
daughter in college. “I don’t disagree with that, but I
think men tend to look more at how the situation might be
perceived by others and how the child may look to the
community at large.”
Jim
Merkey says this was one of his concerns when his
11-year-old son was hurt during an athletic event.
“Justin
was playing football and one of the guys was being a bully
and kicked him. I told him, ‘The first time you can turn
the other cheek and try to talk your way out of it, but
after that you have my permission to defend yourself.’”
Merkey notes that his wife would have talked to the other
boy’s mother instead.
Bernie
Dorsey says his 8-year-old son’s social standing is often
his main focus when a problem arises. “Take a nose picker,
for example. I will say, ‘Hey, if you keep picking your
nose, you won’t have any friends.’ But my wife will tell
him that he’ll have dirt in his nose and that he’ll pass
germs. What I will point out is how it will affect his
standing with other kids.”
Is
it Gender or Personality?
But while some dads see their role along more
gender-characteristic lines, other parents don’t buy the
notion that men and women possess strong, inherent
differences in parenting styles.
“I’ve
never seen it as a gender thing. I see it as a difference in
personality or style,” says Theresa Rousseau, a mother of
three daughters.
Her
husband, Marc, agrees,
adding
that differences in parenting styles have more to do with a
person’s background or even his or her role at work.
“Theresa
is a more spontaneous, reactive person, while I stay
back,” Marc says. “I try to gather the facts and that
makes Theresa crazy sometimes. I have more of a managerial
style.”
In
his job as a hospital
pharmacy
manager, Marc deals with people bringing him problems all
the time. “I don’t react right away until I find out
more about it,” he says. “Theresa reacts a lot more
passionately than I do.”
For
her part, Theresa believes that her job as a K-8 behavior
intervention teacher might account for her different
approach to parenting.
“I
have to do a lot of on-the-spot thinking at my job,” she
says. “If there are kids acting real volatile or whatever,
I have to have an answer right then and there, and that’s
what people call upon me for. That approach is probably
similar to the approach I take at home.”
Marc’s
brother, Roger, believes a parent’s own upbringing
influences parenting style. He and his wife, Ann, have two
girls, Melissa, 10, and Nicole, 16.
“Ann
can be more nurturing, but not because we have preconceived
notions of that,” he says. “Ann’s family background
makes her more open to communication. I come from a very
staunch and conservative family, while Ann comes from a very
large Catholic family, and that cultural difference has more
of an impact on our family.”
Biller
agrees that contrasting parenting styles aren’t always
about gender. “The kind of fit of personality and
temperament between the parents and children may transcend
the gender issues,” he says. “What is good for a
particular kid and family may not be for another.”
Kids
Pick and Choose
Not surprisingly, the different approaches each parent takes
often dictate which one a child will seek out. Marc and
Theresa Rousseau’s 15-year-old daughter, Sarah, freely
admits that whom she turns to is based on the response she
thinks she’ll get.
“It
depends on the problem. If it’s a ‘girl problem,’ I go
to my mom. I would never talk to dad about Tyler (her
boyfriend). But
if it’s about drugs or something that I know my mom
doesn’t like, I’ll go to my dad,” she says. “He
doesn’t tell me not to hang out with them, but to not do
what they’re doing.”
It’s
the same when kids get hurt, according to Carmelo
and Lyn Quijanos, who have two children, Christopher, 9, and
Diana, 7.
“If
they’re in a lot of pain, they’ll go to Carmelo because
he gives them so much more sympathy,” says Lyn, perhaps
debunking another gender stereotype. “If Diana hurts
herself and she’s with me, she doesn’t make a big deal
about it. But as soon as she sees her dad, she bursts into
tears. They get the whole ‘Hey baby!’ factor.”
Robert
Frank, an assistant professor of psychiatry at
Oakton
Community
College
in
Des
Plaines
,
Ill.
, has
done extensive research on involved fathers, and he believes
this pick-and-choose approach is good for kids because it
promotes independence.
“Getting
two different opinions gives them the opportunity to say,
‘Hey, I don’t like that answer, so I’ll go to the
other parent.’ As long as mom and dad are on the same page
as far as the outcome goes, there shouldn’t be a
problem,” Frank says.
Dads Learn from Moms, Family
Fathers may have a different style than mothers, but
they’re not averse to looking for ways to improve their
parenting skills. And, more often than not, the moms serve
as their teachers.
“I
think part of being a father is recognizing how much we have
to learn about being fathers,” says Dorsey, recounting a
recent lesson he learned from his wife. “I have a tendency
to encourage my son not to overreact, say, if he gets hurt.
My wife will tolerate him behaving like he’s amputated a
limb, when he has just skinned his knee. I’d tell him to
react in a way that parallels the level of injury. ‘You
don’t have to cry so loud,’ I’d say. What he heard
was, ‘Don’t cry.’
“The
next week he comes home from school with his knees all cut
up and his pants torn. He had been to the school nurse and
everything. I scooped him up and gave him a big hug. Then he
said to me, ‘Yeah, Dad, but I didn’t cry.’”
Dorsey
says the incident made him feel guilty and taught him to
lighten up on his son a bit.
Marc
Rousseau says his wife has taught him to be a better hugger.
“I didn’t come from a physically demonstrative family,
while Theresa did,” he says. “I don’t hug Mel or reign
her in as much as I should. I think I miss the cues when Mel
wants a hug and Theresa is good about coaxing me to do
that.”
A
father’s own parents are often a source of inspiration, as
well. Roger
Rousseau, who acknowledges having a deep, loud voice that
often scares his two girls, says his father has taught him
to take a more thoughtful approach to discipline.
“I
think about when I was a kid and my dad would call me in for
‘The Talk,’ this deep conversation where you say to
yourself, ‘Oh, I feel like jumping out a window.’ But
now I have a deeper appreciation for him taking a slow,
reflective approach.”
Fathers
Don’t Mother
While many of today’s dads are making more of an effort to
connect with their kids than dads of past generations,
Pruett stresses that “we have not witnessed men turning
into mothers.”
“Are
those men communicating with their children more because
they’re spending more time with them? Yes. But are they
talking mother language? No,” he says.
The
key to fathering in a nurturing way – one that invites
children to approach you with their emotions or problems –
is to be available and open, Pruett says. “Kids
don’t share emotions with those who don’t share back. If
a mother is more open to listen, they’ll go to the mom.”
And
differences in parenting styles shouldn’t be a problem for
couples who are committed to the same goals for their kids.
“There’s plenty of room for newer or different styles of
parenting, and there’s no reason to assume men cannot
handle these things as well,” says Pruett.
Dorsey,
who runs
a support program for new dads called Conscious Fathering,
agrees. “I really believe men cannot mother and moms
cannot father. I’m firmly of the mind that whether
you’re a mother or a father, you’re equally as capable
of nurturing another human being. Dads can be good
nurturers, we just do it differently.”
RESOURCES
Reading
• Fatherneed: Why Father
Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child,
by Kyle D. Pruett, M.D., Broadway Books, 2001.
Explores why the differences in the way fathers parent is
important to a child’s development.
• Fathers and Family,
by Henry B. Biller, Auburn House, 1993.
Analyzes the advantages to a child when the father,
as well as the mother, actively participates in the
parenting process.
• Parenting Partners:
How to Encourage Dads to Participate in the Daily Lives of
Their Children,
by Robert Frank and Kathryn Livingston, Golden Books
Publishing Co., 2000. Shows how to achieve fair-share
parenting, covering some of the most common conundrums of
childcare.
Organizations
• The Falcon Edge
Male Task Force,
Washington D.C., 202-397-3800 ext.1047; www.falconsedge.org.
Works to celebrate and support fathers and families raising
children with or without the fathers in the home.
• The Fatherhood Project,
Families and Work Institute,
New
York
,
N.Y.
,
212-465-2044; www.fatherhoodproject.org.
National research and education project examining the future
of fatherhood and ways to support men’s involvement in
child rearing.
•
National
Center
for
Fathering,
Kansas
City
,
Mo.
,
800-593-DADS; www.fathers.com.
Conducts research on fathering to develop practical
resources and support for dads.
•
National Fatherhood Initiative,
Gaithersburg
,
Md.
,
301-948-0599; www.fatherhood.org.
Works to improve children’s well-being by increasing the
proportion of kids growing up with involved and responsible
fathers.
|
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Divorce
Magazine
The
"Deadbeat": Myths & Realities
By
Radmila Avramovic & Diana Shepherd
PART 1 OF SEVEN PAGES
We've all read the dismal stories about
ex-spouses who default on their support payments. But has anyone
thought to ask why these people aren't paying?
The headline reads: "Deadbeat Dads/Moms." The article then
goes on to inform you of how they refuse to pay child support and
how they live in luxury while their children go without food,
clothing, and the bare necessities to live. Is this depiction
accurate? If so, how often does it happen? And -- perhaps most
importantly -- why does it happen?
Although the answers to these questions will vary depending on the
situation, it does appear that the majority of so-called
"deadbeats" default on their support payments for one of
two reasons: they can't afford to pay them, or they have little or
no contact with their children and the parental bond has eroded.
According to San Diego lawyer-mediator Georgine Brave, "Many
people ordered to pay child support feel that they can't manage
financially if they pay the court-ordered amount. Often, both
parents work to maintain one household. When they separate, there
isn't enough money to support two households. So the payer -- most
frequently the husband -- has to pay child support by the
guidelines, and he finds that he can't pay his other bills. He
doesn't realize that child support comes first."
"In some cases, child support is set unrealistically
high," adds Dianna Thompson, executive director of the American
Coalition for Fathers & Children (ACFC)." Child support can
be based on a capacity to earn or on imputed income rather than on
actual earnings. Non-payment of child support is not always willful,
as some are inclined to believe. There will always be unforeseen
circumstances affecting a family's financial stability, such as job
loss, illness, injuries, or disabilities that can happen to any
family whether it's intact or not."
Statistically, payment of child support is linked to custody and/or
frequent visitations. The most recent US Census Bureau data shows
that fathers with joint custody pay their child support 90% of the
time; fathers with visitation pay theirs 79.1% of the time; and
fathers with neither joint custody nor visitation pay support only
44% of the time.
These statistics point to the second reason why most non-custodial
parents don't pay child support. Los Angeles lawyer Fern Salka
claims that non-custodial parents "generally don't pay because
they feel that they have either too little control or a lack of
connection with their children." She adds that non-custodial
parents are often "angry about the amount of spousal or child
support they have to pay."
Another reason is that it may be easier for a judge to make a
decision based on finances (child support) rather than on emotional
issues (custody/visitation). Legally, child support and custody are
always treated separately, although non-custodial parents tend to
link the two -- emotionally and financially. "Child support
agencies have no legal jurisdiction over enforcement of visitation
or custody," says Kay Kullen, a spokeswoman for the National
Child Support Enforcement Association. "However, each state
child support agency has instituted access and visitation programs
that link parents to resources that can assist in the resolution of
visitation issues."
To read more of the article go to:
http://www.divorcemagazine.com/library/children/deadbeatCA.html
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Fathers
can pass on skills and advice
By Don O'Briant
Cox News Service
ATLANTA
-- Terry Kay remembers what it was like to work side by side with
his father when bonding was a term for glue, not relationships.
"My father was a carpenter before he went into the nursery
business. He taught me how to saw, how to measure things accurately,
how to farm," said Kay, a Georgia writer whose novel "To
Dance With the White Dog" was drawn from his father's life.
"The worst thing I have done to my children is choosing a
profession where they can't work with me.
"The tradition of fathers passing on practical skills -- and
advice about life in the process -- has not disappeared completely,
but it's become increasingly difficult for dads who work 12-hour
days in offices to find the time to bond.
"It's a dilemma that every father faces," said Joe Kelly,
executive director of the nonprofit Minnesota organization Dads and
Daughters. "We simply have to make time to do it. The women I
talked to who were most enthusiastic about their relationships with
their fathers fondly remember doing things with them such as working
on the car, going fishing or shooting hoops.
"One of his friends had a rule for his daughters that they
couldn't go for their driver's license tests until they had
successfully changed the oil and changed a tire. Another made sure
his daughter knew how to use a power saw before she went to college.
Operating power tools has been no problem for Betsy Braddock Palmer,
30. She recalls her father teaching her to repair her bike and fix
things around the house from the time she was 10.
"He taught me how to do everything right, including
fishing," she said. "We talked about personal things when
we were working. I learned what it meant to be a man and his
perspective on things.
"Now she works with him as project manager for Braddock Built
Renovations in Atlanta.
"She could do anything a man could do," Jim Braddock said.
"We've always been able to communicate. I decided I was not
going to be like my father. He was a product of the Depression, and
all he knew was work.
"The only time Braddock remembers feeling close to his father
was when they worked on projects such as building a carport and
constructing a fence.
While learning practical skills is worthwhile, the most important
thing is the actual process of doing things together, said Frank
Pittman, an Atlanta psychiatrist and author of "Man Enough:
Fathers, Sons and the Search for Masculinity" (Perigee,
$14.95).
"In order for boys to grow up to be a man, or girls to live
with a man, they have got to know what men are like," Pittman
said. "Most men don't realize how important they are to their
children.
"According to Dianna Thompson, executive director of the
American Coalition for Fathers and Children, "Whatever youth
problem you look at -- teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, suicide, low
self-esteem, school dropouts -- is directly linked to family
breakdown and the absence of fathers. "The presence or absence
of a father in the home is a better predictor of these pathologies
than any other factor, including income and race," she said.
Thompson notes roughly two-thirds of high school dropouts, juvenile
delinquents and youths who commit suicide are from fatherless homes,
as are nearly 90 percent of runaway children and children with
behavioral disorders.
While having a father who lies in a recliner and sips a beer is
better than no father at all, Pittman said the best dads are the
ones who take an active role with their children.
"It's nice to dutifully show up for the kids' soccer game, but
they don't learn anything from the fathers from that. It's crucial
for boys and girls to go see where fathers work, to see fathers
play.
"Bruno Menard, chef of the Dining Room at the Ritz-Carlton
Buckhead in Atlanta, is making sure his son knows exactly what he
does. Although Vincent is only 9, he already cooks regularly with
his father.
"When we were in Japan, we did a TV show together where you
cook in front of the camera," said Menard, 39. "Cooking is
just one part of our relationship. We go motor biking and mountain
biking together.
"By teaching his son to cook, Menard is continuing a tradition
that began with his father, well-known chef Jean-Claude Menard, when
they were living in France. To give him some experience about being
a chef, Menard's father got him a job working in a restaurant for a
month.
"I was 9, and I did all the things I didn't want to do,"
Menard said. "I peeled the potatoes and chopped the meat and
washed the pots and pans.
"For all his hard work, Menard was paid the equivalent of $10.
When he complained to his father, the elder Menard gave him $50 and
some advice that was much more valuable.
"He told me, 'I want you to remember that you have to work hard
to get money. But when you do something, don't do it for the money.
Do it because you love it.' I've always remembered that.
"The importance of hard work was a lesson that Michael Russell,
37, also learned at an early age. He was 8 or 9 years old when his
father, Herman Russell, made him clean the apartment complexes that
the family's company managed.
"One of my first jobs was to pick up trash and sweep the
breezeways," he said. "He taught my brother and sister and
me the importance of earning your keep.
"Russell, who now helps run H.J. Russell & Co., said his
father was always an authority figure, never a buddy.
"He worked a lot, often coming home after 8, but he always
tried to make it to my basketball and football games," Russell
said. "He taught me basic values of hard work that I'm trying
to instill in my sons.
"One thing his father didn't teach him was how to fix things
around the house."My father was a master plasterer, but he's
not a handyman and neither am I," Russell said.
"Basically, all I can do is change light bulbs and tighten a
few screws.
"Whether fathers are handy or not, they need to realize that
there are little things they can do as role models, says Harry
Harrison, author of "Father to Son" (Workman,
$7.95)."There are things our dads taught us that kids don't
know anymore, such as how to put a ball in a baseball glove and
wrapping a belt around it to break it in," said Harrison, 53,
the father of two grown sons.
"I remember how excited I was the first time my father let me
mow the lawn. And he taught me to drive. It was not so much the
projects we did as the fact that I was allowed to be around
him," he said. "Every moment a boy spends with his father,
the father is teaching him how to be a man, for better or worse.
Whether it's watching him shave, or rake the yard, or doing the
dishes, he's seeing what it's like to be a man.
"Frank Pittman remembers the rare occasions when his father
took him to the cotton mill he managed.
"Getting to see my father in his territory, rather than at
home, which was my mother's territory, I got to see a side of him I
had never seen," Pittman said.
Like many fathers of the World War II generation, Pittman's father
was not talkative. He was raised by his quiet father, an undertaker,
and he never learned the skill of talking to kids. Most nights he
would have three radios tuned to different ballgames so he wouldn't
have to carry on a conversation.
"It was my mother who taught me about home repairs and things
like that," Pittman said. "I think growing up with a
silent father and grandfather is one of the reasons I became a
psychiatrist. I wanted to get inside people's heads, to find out
what it felt like to be human.
"Often the most valuable legacies fathers leave their children
have nothing to do with mending fences or repairing a door. Atlanta
Magazine editor Lee Walburn's father was a cotton mill worker who
did not know how to fix cars or do things like that, but he taught
his son the importance of never being too busy to stop and play with
your kids.
"He was a storyteller and a great athlete," Walburn, 65,
said. "He did teach me how to box, and he tried to teach me
music, but I had no aptitude for it. My father's generation may be
the last one that bonded by passing on knowledge. The new generation
bonds through shared interests.
"Walburn said if there is anything he taught his kids, it is a
love of words. One son is a songwriter, another is a magazine
writer, and his daughter works in publications at Berry College.
"I have real distinct memories from the time I was 11 of
hearing my dad typing on his typewriter across the hall," said
Steve Walburn, 41, who writes for several magazines. "Maybe
that sound worked its way into my psyche.
"While most of their bonding centered around sports, the
younger Walburn recalls one memorable project he and his father
tackled.
"We actually built a boat when I was 14. It was one of those
things that was a seminal father-son experience. At the same time it
brings you closer together, it reminds you of your differences as
the pieces of the boat fall to the floor and you want to do it one
way and he wants to do it another. We fought over that boat for
three months, but we were so proud when we finished."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
JAIL TIME COMING FOR DEADBEAT or DEADBROKE DADS
CHARLESTON, S.C. — Each week in this picturesque Southern city,
around 50 fathers are rounded up and hauled into a crowded jail for
the crime of not paying their court-ordered child support.
Most are quickly bailed out.
But when the bailouts stop, the men
step onto a well-worn path: Survive the tedium and frustration of
months in jail. Upon release, find a job — any job. Keep paying
enough child support to avoid the court's attention. Sooner or
later, get re-arrested and re-incarcerated. This pattern is repeated
often. Some men, such as Corey Wright,
are now taking a path that is even more personally demanding, but it
holds the promise of escaping the child-support merry-go-round.
Mr. Wright, 34, graduated on Feb. 14
as a member of Class No. 7 of Project Restore, a program of Agape
Ministries of Charleston. He has since been released from custody.
For 16 weeks, he studied about life,
parenthood and manhood. He also worked on construction sites, took
college classes in carpentry and built houses with Habitat for
Humanity. About $2,000 of the money he
earned during the program went to pay down his child-support debt of
$4,696. Today, Mr. Wright has a
full-time restaurant-cleaning job that pays $8 an hour. He's easily
staying current with his $149-a-month child-support bill and he's
planning a return to hospital nursing work, which he prefers over
carpentry. The program "has given
me a good outlook on everything — it showed me how I was going
about things the wrong way," he said. "Now I've got some
plans." On the family side, Mr.
Wright is reconnecting with the 6-year-old daughter he owes support
for and strengthening ties to another son. He's also investing more
in sons Corey Jr., 4, and KayMonte, 1.
Project Restore has "changed
Corey a lot," says the boys' mother, Katashia Campbell.
"He's been coming to visit them a lot and calling to see what
[the baby] needs. I think he'll be a good role model for them."
'Pay or be incarcerated'
The federal government estimates that
$112 billion was owed in child support in 2001. A record $19 billion
in child support was collected, but it barely dented the overall
debt owed from previous years. Throughout
America, state officials chase down and penalize deadbeat parents
— garnishing paychecks, intercepting tax refunds and yanking
driver's licenses. Jail is an option, but it's usually reserved as a
last resort. Not so in South Carolina.
"Here, it's pay or be incarcerated," says Family Court
Judge Paul W. Garfinkel, whose docket is always filled with
child-support cases. J. Corbitt Hinson
III, a child-support official in the South Carolina Department of
Social Services, agrees. "This is the wrong place to get a
child-support tab. We go to court over $27," he says.
This no-nonsense attitude, backed up
by a dedicated law-enforcement staff and a computer system that
keeps close track of child-support debts, means there's a steady
stream of fathers jamming into the Charleston County Detention
Center. The facility was built for
around 700 people, but it often holds closer to 1,400.
Most inmates are in for felonies such
as carjacking or child molesting. But a "small but important
part of the population" — typically 100 of the men and 10 of
the 25 female inmates — are in the facility for not paying their
child support, says Keith Novak, chief deputy of the Charleston
County Sheriff's Office and administrator of the center.
The child-support inmates are
notorious for recidivism. "It's a revolving door," Mr.
Novak says. Which is why prison
officials, judges, child-support enforcers and the mayor perked up a
few years ago when the Rev. Dallas D. Wilson Jr., known as
"Brother Dallas," proposed Project Restore.
It's a combination of work-release,
life-skills and relationship programs "but with a faith-based
and ownership component," Mr. Wilson says. The unique aspect of
the program is its construction company, in which the men can become
part owners, he says. Restoring hearts
of men Project Restore begins in the
detention center, such as what happened on a rainy November night.
Several dozen inmates cram into a room
with team leaders Kenneth Green and Timothy Grant.
Project Restore has a buzz — inmates
have heard that program graduates get out of jail early — so they
are wary but interested. Mr. Green and
Mr. Grant scan the packed room. They are looking for 18 men for
Class No. 8 currently under way. Eligible candidates must be
nonviolent, have jail sentences of at least one year, owe child
support to the state and have a desire to change their lives.
"We're not lawyers, judges, legal
professionals or attorneys. We're trying to restore the hearts of
men back to their children," says Mr. Green, a compact man who
sports a neat ponytail, crisp shirt and tailored pants.
For much of the next 90 minutes, he
and Mr. Grant listen patiently to the complaints of inmates: "I
owed $9,000. Judge gave me a $100 fine and 90 days to pay," one
inmate says indignantly. "I owe $1,200, and got a $400 fine and
no time to pay," another says. "We're on a one-way
railroad — [the debts are] growing while we sit in here,"
another growls. "You were there
before all this started," Mr. Green interjects.
But the sob stories continue: "A
lot of us were paying support to the women, not to the court, then
the court said the money was a gift," says one man with
dreadlocks. "Garfinkel gave me 21 months. No leniency from
him," another jeers. When Mr.
Green has heard enough, he levels with the men. "I have a wife
and six kids. I did three years in the state pen. I got out and did
a mistake again and got 18 more months. People wrote me off, too,
but I got a second chance. "Nothing
was given to me," Mr. Green adds, as the men sit silently.
"It took six years to get back on my feet. I started as a
driver, 5 to midnight, 200 miles a night. It's hard. But I know if
you apply yourself, you can help others."
Mr. Grant, a burly teddy bear of a man
with a goatee, steps to the front of the room.
"I pay child support now,"
he says. "I've been incarcerated and in the courts. She got
welfare and I've got to pay for it. But don't be negative and you
can overcome." Mr. Green and Mr.
Grant collect 40 applications that night. They agree that a few of
the men look promising. A new
beginning Class No. 7, which began
Nov. 4, has 16 men. In the morning, they are driven from the
detention center to the Agape Ministries building, located in a
federal enterprise community. At night, they are returned to jail.
Most of the men are in their 20s or
30s, and owe anywhere from $3,000 to $15,000 in child support.
Malcolm, the one white father in the class, owes almost $50,000.
One middle-age man named Thurmond, who
like Malcolm asked that his last name not be used, seems especially
grateful to be in the group. He is an Army veteran and a solid
worker, and was once happily married to a woman with whom they now
have three adult children. Then he found a girlfriend and got her
pregnant. His wife divorced him, and his children stepped back from
him. The girlfriend dumped him as well and sued him for child
support. He now owes between $7,000 and $8,000. Jail was the final
disgrace. "I tried hard to get
into this program," Thurmond explains quietly. "I want
this to be a new beginning," he says, tears swelling in his
eyes. "I lost a lot in the divorce."
Mr. Wilson's wife, Janie, organizes
and oversees the program. She teaches the men professional etiquette
and the value of positive attitudes and adaptability. She insists on
being addressed as "Mrs. Wilson."
"It helps the men to rebuild
respect for women," she says. The
Rev. Jimmy S. Gallant III, a high-energy city council member who
seems to know everyone in town, gives the class a pep talk about how
they can "transform" themselves and "become a
brand-new person in front of the people who know you."
He also warns them: "In the
beginning, you'll feel good, but then it's going to get intense.
You're not going to be the same person a few weeks from now."
Mr. Wilson, a well-spoken, large man,
steps forward to lay out the 16-week program: During the week, it's
life-skills classes and training on construction sites; on Tuesday
and Thursday nights, it's college classes; on Saturdays, it's work
with Habitat for Humanity. Project
Restore pays the men $7 an hour or $224 a week. About three-quarters
of these earnings go to their child-support debts. The men keep
$8.50 a week, which isn't much, but it beats the $1-a-day they could
earn working in jail. The rest of the men's earnings go toward
paying for meals and other program costs.
Participants must abide by the rules.
Stealing, substance abuse and unauthorized visitors are cause for
dismissal. "No one will send you back [to jail] but
yourself," Mr. Wilson says. Upon
graduation, most men take jobs with contractors or work for Peithos
Construction Co., which is owned and operated by Project Restore
graduates. If they stay with Peithos, "they can become
part-owners and share in the profits," Mr. Wilson says.
"As a result of their labor, they
should own something," he explains. Also, as owners and allies,
they can beat the "last hired, first fired" syndrome that
felons typically face in the work force.
But work and child support are only
the external goals for the men, says Mr. Wilson, who is candid about
growing up in a fatherless home and being "a thug and a
hoodlum" before turning his life around and earning a doctorate
in theology. The deeper goals are to
"restore, reclaim and reintegrate" the men with their
children, family and society, he says.
Each class likes to hear these goals,
Mr. Wilson says, but they usually have no idea how hard it will be
to do it. "No one likes change
but a wet baby," he says with a chuckle.
A 'hands-on' program
Project Restore was started in 1997
and won a federal welfare-to-work grant for 1999. Today, its major
funders are the South Carolina Center for Fathers and Families,
South Carolina Department of Social Services and the Sisters of
Charity Foundation of South Carolina. Mr.
Wilson's living expenses are underwritten by Ashoka: Innovators for
the Public, the Arlington-based philanthropy that supports
extraordinary "social entrepreneurship."
Project Restore ran into funding snags
over its payments to the men — which are now resolved, Mr. Wilson
says. It also had to maintain its allies in law enforcement, child
support, family court and the local business community.
"There was a time when this
program was nearly dead," he says. "If any [of the major
players] had said, 'It's over,' it would have been over."
But Judge Garfinkel says he supports
Project Restore because it addresses his two biggest headaches:
chronic nonpayment of child support and poor relationships between
the men and their children. If a
noncustodial parent is connected to his children, it's less likely
he "will be back in front of me," the judge says. It's
also less likely that the child will end up in juvenile court and
less likely that there will be neglect and abuse. "I think it's
a win-win all the way around," he says.
Charleston Mayor Joseph P. Riley, who
has helped the program get community development funds, approves of
it because it's "hands-on, one human being at a time."
Child-support prosecutor Pamela Brown
says she backs Project Restore because its graduates
"rarely" come back through her office — out of 81
graduates so far, about 15 have returned to jail on child-support
charges. "I have to do my job of putting 'em away," she
says, but supporting Project Restore "is my way of giving
back." There's a unique
accountability in the program, Mr. Novak, the detention center's
administrator, said. With regular
work-release programs, if one man walks off a job site, the other
men may not say anything. But once when a Project Restore man walked
off a site, "the other guys told on him. Their attitude was,
'You are not going to [mess] this up for us,' and they gave his
address to Kenny [Green]," the chief recalls.
"The men police themselves. The
peer pressure goes the right way," Mr. Wilson says.
The money goes the right way, too: It
costs $18,000 to house a parent in jail for a year. Project Restore
spends $9,021 per man, with about 38 percent of that going to
child-support debt. A big downside,
however, is Project Restore's capacity: Its current configuration
allows for only about three classes a year, or 60 to 75 men.
In contrast, the Department of Social
Services has at least 15,600 child-support arrearage cases in
Charleston County. 'A blessing to me'
Project Restore has the reputation of
working with "the bottom of the barrel," as one
child-support worker put it, but one wouldn't think it in meeting
Darrell DeVaughn. Mr. DeVaughn, 34,
graduated from Project Restore's Class No. 3, nearly three years
ago. He and his wife, Davetta, have
three children of their own and each has a child from another
relationship. Mr. DeVaughn didn't pay support for his child and ran
up a $3,000 debt. He says Project
Restore helped him become a carpenter's apprentice, repay his entire
debt and stay current with child support. He also learned how to
overcome "my arrogance" and get along with Davetta.
"The program lets the men believe
in themselves," Mrs. DeVaughn says, tossing a smile at her
husband, who smiles back. Kevin Evans,
37, is another Project Restore graduate. When he came to the program
in 2000, he had a $21,000 debt for children by two women and a
three-year jail sentence. Today, he
works every day as a grounds keeper at a country club and part-time
at nights at a restaurant. He is self-sufficient, pays $163 every
two weeks to child support and has cut his debt in half.
"I'm now on good terms," Mr.
Evans says about his interactions with the mothers of his children.
Working long hours doesn't leave much time for anything else,
"but I feel real relief now. Project Restore has been a
blessing to me," he says. Tall,
muscular Kevin Gentile is both a Project Restore graduate and one of
the program's employers. Being in jail "was humiliating,"
he says. "I used to get defensive and get into cursing and all
that. I don't stress like that anymore."
Mr. Gentile, now married and with a
toddler, still pays child support for two other children but
estimates the debt is down to $1,500 from $10,000.
One afternoon, Mr. Gentile, who has
his own flooring company, and other employers came to meet members
of Class No. 7. He draws a respectful audience as he uses his
calloused hands to demonstrate the most efficient way to pull lumber
from a floor. Graduating to cheers
On Valentine's Day 2003, Class No. 7
graduated to cheers and applause. "Overall,
it was an exceptional class," Mr. Wilson said. Four of the 16
men exceeded everyone's expectations. One is Thurmond, the
middle-aged man who lost his family when he had an affair.
"He's in church on Sundays and
keeps in touch. On one family night, he had the whole staff crying.
His big son came — and they had been estranged for years — and
they hugged and cried," Mr. Wilson said.
One graduate has already entered a
long-term rehabilitation program to overcome his drug addiction.
He's going to be fine, says Mr. Wilson, but he admits he is worried
about two other graduates — one is still grappling with his
alcoholism and the other battles depression.
"We are reaching out" for
extra services for these men, he says.
Corey Wright gave everyone a scare
when he disappeared after graduating. It turns out that when he went
home, his drug-dealing buddies showed up, calling him out. Mr.
Wright promptly relocated to a sister's house.
"When Corey got out, he nearly
fell back into the same trap," Mr. Wilson said. "There's a
lure, a magnetism, that draws these guys back to the circumstances
that defeated them." But Mr.
Wright seems to be "doing a lot better now; he's on
track," Mr. Wilson said.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Military
dads seek fair child support
By
Marilyn Gardner | Staff writer of The Christian Science
Monitor
Like many military reservists, Mark Wetzel took a pay cut when
he was called for active duty last year. Instead of the
$31,000 he earns as a nursing assistant in a Philadelphia
hospital, he received $27,000 as a Navy corpsman serving in
Kosovo.
But one thing didn't change: his child-support payments. A
family court declined to reduce the $899 a month he pays to
his estranged wife and two children.
As more National Guard and reserve units are deployed for
the war in Iraq - 216,800 have been called to active duty so
far - more noncustodial parents find themselves in the same
circumstances that Wetzel did. If they fall behind in
child-support payments because of reduced wages, they could
incur penalties when they return home.
"The issue is very real," says Cmdr. James
Semerad, a family readiness officer in the naval reserves at
Fort Belvoir, Va. A month ago, he gave a presentation on child
support to his unit, telling them, "Your [child-support]
obligations don't go away."
Similar challenges confront another group of noncustodial
parents these days - those who are unemployed. As downsizing
continues, some laid-off workers, living on modest
unemployment checks or savings, are unable to keep up
court-ordered payments.
Now some family advocates are making quiet pleas for
realism and reform for both groups of parents.
"People can't pay what they don't make," says
Dianna Thompson, executive director of the American Coalition
for Fathers and Children. "We're not saying that
servicemen should not support their kids. But we can't ask
people to serve their country and not give them some
protection. And when people get laid off through no fault of
their own, we can't punish them by giving them unrealistic
child-support orders."
In 2000, nearly 14 million custodial parents cared for 22
million children under the age of 21. Among these custodial
parents, 85 percent are women and 15 percent men. In the
middle are children whose need for food, clothes, and haircuts
does not diminish when a noncustodial parent goes to war or
loses a job.
Yet challenges exist in determining fairness and in
overcoming bureaucratic obstacles. Some reservists receive
only a few days' notice to report for duty. For them it is
impossible to get a court hearing to request a reduction in
child support. Other reservists mistakenly assume they can
work out the details when they return.
"I receive calls from soldiers all the time, and
they're not being informed," says Jeffrey Leving, a
fathers'-rights attorney in Chicago. "A lot of them are
going to be coming back from Iraq and face court
proceedings." After Desert Storm, many men who contacted
him had large child-support arrearages they could not afford
to pay.
Legal experts trace part of the challenge to measures put
in place over the years to protect custodial parents and
children from constant changes in support or lapses in
payment. Federal law, they note, prohibits courts from
retroactively modifying or forgiving child-support debts. In
1999, 46 percent of custodial mothers - 2.8 million women -
who were owed child support collected the full amount,
according to the Census Bureau. One-quarter of those due
support received nothing.
The Soldiers' and Sailors' Civil Relief Act, which limits
annual interest rates on credit-card debts, mortgages, and car
loans to 6 percent during military service, does not cover
child-support arrearages. And some states limit how often
parents can request changes in support.
These measures, says Mark Rogers of Atlanta, an economist
and expert witness on child support, were enacted in the
"best interest of the child," but "without
regard for economic common sense and an overall sense of
fairness."
If a child's parents were still married, Mr. Rogers
explains, the entire family would be expected to share the
financial strain of a reduced income by cutting expenses and
borrowing money, rather than having that responsibility fall
on one parent. Fairness, as he sees it, means allowing
noncustodial parents to pay child support that reflects their
actual salary in bad times and good.
For Eddie Wright of Dunwoody, Ga., the divorced father of a
teenage daughter, these are not good times. Last year he was
unemployed for four months. He took a job with a fiber-optic
cable company, but four months later, in December, that firm
cut back, and he was out of work again.
Mr. Wright's divorce decree states that if he ever became
unemployed, his $1,210 monthly child-support payment would
drop to $833. But even that amount takes 73 percent of his
$1,136 unemployment check before taxes. After taxes, he is
left with $205 a month.
"If I wasn't fortunate enough to have an inheritance
that I received after my divorce, I would be in jail for not
paying child support," Wright says. "I used my
entire savings the last time I was unemployed."
In February, he went to court asking for a modification.
But under Georgia law, because he had filed for an earlier
modification, he cannot make another request for two years.
"With the economy being in such disarray, it's
unfortunate that people can't file for a modification when
they become unemployed," he says, adding that he has
never been delinquent or late in paying. He is taking his case
to the Georgia Supreme Court.
Robert Thuotte, a Boston attorney specializing in family
law, advises those who have lost their job or are being called
up for military service to find out how long their employers
will provide compensation. Some companies pay the difference
between civilian and military pay.
Reservists and unemployed parents should also try to
negotiate in good faith with the person to whom they pay child
support, he adds, by explaining the circumstances and working
out an agreement for the time away. "The noncustodial
parent should also file a complaint for modification in
probate and family court as soon as possible." That can
be done by mail.
Mr. Thuotte recommends hiring a lawyer. But that is often
not an option for those whose resources are already strained.
Wetzel, who expects to be called for another tour of active
duty "any second now," says he cannot afford an
attorney anymore. His net pay as a nurse is $423 every two
weeks, after child support and $50 for a college fund for his
children are taken out.
Rogers takes a different approach. He calls for
"expedited procedures" so those who pay child
support do not need to hire legal representation to get
payments reduced if income drops.
When Christopher Nye, a computer programmer and Army
reservist in Kentucky, was put on alert after Sept. 11, he
asked his state child-support agency what his support
obligations would be if he were called up. Although that
call-up never came, he was dismayed by the time lag involved
in getting a downward modification - sometimes several months.
"The system is slow," he says. "Something has
to be done."
So far, Missouri is the only state to do something. At the
time of the first Gulf War, lawmakers passed a bill expediting
adjustments of support for reservists called up for active
duty if their income changes.
The Minnesota legislature recently introduced a similar
bill.
Whether problems with child support stem from corporate
layoffs or military call-ups, Laura O'Quinn, president of
Parents 4 Child Support Enforcement in Sulphur, La., urges
both parents to be understanding. "These circumstances
require people to use a little common courtesy and common
sense," she says.
Three weeks ago, Wetzel submitted another request to family
court to modify his child support. "We'll see what
happens," he says. Whatever the outcome of his case, he
hopes for larger changes in policies and procedures.
"It's an antiquated system," he says. "It
definitely needs to be looked at."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
|
| Tips
to help new dads |
Get new-father tips on bonding with your baby |
By David Jones
Q: I'm a new father. I haven't had much
experience with infants and I want to be involved in my
daughter's care, but every time I try to pick her up, she
starts to fret. How can I feel more competent?
A: Few things can make a man feel less like a man than feeling
incompetent. And nothing can make a man feel more incompetent
than a baby. Fortunately, it's pretty easy to overcome these
feelings.
Learning by doing
First of all, let's start with what not to do:
When your daughter gets fussy, do not hand her off to your
wife. Mom may be able to get her to stop crying a little
quicker than you do, but the truth is that whatever your wife
knows about children, she learned by doing — just like
anything else. And the way you're going to get better is by
doing things, too. Research shows that lack of opportunity may
be one of the biggest obstacles to fathers' feeling more
comfortable with their children. In other words, the more time
you spend with your child, the more competent you'll feel.
And don't give in if your wife offers to take over, either.
Instead, try a few lines like, "I think I can handle
things," or "That's OK — I really need the
practice." There's nothing wrong with asking her for
advice, of course — you both have insights that the other
could benefit from. But have her tell you instead of doing it
for you. Don't be afraid to make a few decisions — and a few
mistakes — on your own.
Another way to start building confidence is to get to know
your baby. And the place to begin is with learning her
language. Although her vocabulary is pretty limited right now,
if you pay close attention you'll soon be able to tell the
difference between her "I'm tired," "Feed me
now," "Change my diaper" and "I want to
play" cries. Once you've got that down, you'll be better
able to take care of her needs and the two of you will feel a
lot better about each other.
Entertaining baby
New fathers are often quite concerned about what to do with
their infants. After all, they don't talk, they can't catch a
fly ball, and they don't seem to do much else besides drool.
But even if your baby is just a few days old, you can do
plenty. Carrying her around and listening to music together
are great at this age, and just talking to her is wonderful,
but my favorite has always been reading. It doesn't really
matter whether you read War and Peace or the ingredient panel
from your toothpaste tube — she won't understand you yet
anyway. The point here is to get her used to hearing your
voice, which will make her feel comfortable and secure with
you. And that builds close relationships.
Finally, don't ever devalue the things you like doing with
your child. Men and women have different ways of interacting
with their children. Men tend to stress the physical and
high-energy, women the social and emotional. But don't let
anyone tell you that wrestling, bouncing on the bed and all
the other "guy things" you'll do when your daughter
is a little older are less important than the "girl
things" your partner may do (or want you to do).
|
| David
Jones, the father of two sons and one daughter. |
|
|
USATODAY.com
December 03, 2002
Men wage battle on 'paternity fraud'
by Martin Kasindorf, USA TODAY
An acid sense of betrayal has been
gnawing at Damon Adams since a DNA
test showed that he is not the father of a 10-year-old girl born
during
his former marriage.
"Something changes in your heart," says Adams, 51, a
dentist in
Traverse City, Mich. "When she walks through the door, you're
seeing
the product of an affair."
But Michigan courts have spurned the DNA results Adams offered in
his
motions to stop paying $23,000 a year in child support. Now, Adams
is
lobbying the state Legislature for relief and joining other men in a
national movement against what they call "paternity
fraud."
In almost a dozen states, men have won the right to use conclusive
genetic tests to end their financial obligations to children they
didn't father. But women's groups and many public officials
responsible
for enforcing child support are battling the movement, which they
say
imperils children.
Most states design their family laws to protect what they call
"the
interests of the child." That means siding with the child's
financial
and emotional needs and against supposed fathers who want to avoid
paying for tricycles and braces.
Taxpayers also have a big stake in child support collections, which
have grown to$18 billion annually and cover 20 million children. If
men
who are paying child support no longer have to and authorities can't
find the real fathers, welfare agencies will get the bill for family
assistance.
Many men who feel deceived by a woman are in no mood to accept a
legal
system that doesn't recognize DNA science in such cases. "It's
like
they are saying, 'Let your wife cheat on you, have children by other
men, divorce you, and now you have to pay for it all,' " says
Air Force
Master Sgt. Raymond Jackson, 43. California judges won't consider
tests
he says prove that the three children of his former 10-year marriage
were fathered by other men.
Fraud, mistakes
There are signs of substantial fraud or mistakes in identifying
fathers
in child support disputes. The American Association of Blood Banks
says
the 300,626 paternity tests it conducted on men in 2000 ruled out
nearly 30% as the father.
The legal doctrines raising barriers to DNA testing on paternity
questions are formidable. In 30 states, married men face a
500-year-old
legal presumption that any child born during a marriage is the
husband's. The concept, based in English law, is aimed at preventing
children from being branded illegitimate. Nebraska's Supreme Court
ruled last week that an ex-husband who is not a child's father
cannot
sue the mother to recover child support payments.
The law is more flexible for men who admit to fathering a child out
of
wedlock but then change their minds or who are named by the mother.
But they have only brief opportunities to deny paternity. Florida
allows
a year after a child support order, California two years after a
birth.
Many unwed fathers paying child support have never admitted
paternity.
A 1996 federal welfare law requires a woman to name a father - no
questions asked - when she applies for public assistance. A court
summons can be mailed to the man's last known address. Many men
don't
get the notice. The result: The paychecks of 527,224 men in
California,
for example, are being docked under "default" judgments of
paternity
that can't be contested after six months.
Men who urge use of DNA cite a precedent: DNA's increasing impact in
murder and rape cases.
"Think of it. I can get out of jail for murder based on DNA
evidence,
but I can't get out of child support payments," says Bert
Riddick, 42,
a computing teacher in Carson, Calif.
Riddick is paying $1,400 a month for a teenage girl born out of
wedlock
whom he's never met. Strapped, he and his wife are living with
in-laws.
Their three children, ages 3 to 11, cram into one room. He lost his
driver's license for missing support payments and rides a bus 75
minutes to work.
Gradually, legislators are reshaping paternity law. Alabama,
Arkansas,
Georgia, Iowa, Ohio and Virginia now permit ex-husbands and
out-of-wedlock fathers to end child support through DNA. Maryland
has
made the same change via court decisions.
Colorado, Illinois and Louisiana grant relief only to ex-husbands,
allowing them to offer genetic proof. Texas allows ex-husbands four
years from a birth to disprove paternity and gives unwed fathers
unlimited time. A sweeping bill that would authorize married and
unmarried fathers to offer DNA evidence is working its way through
the
New Jersey State Assembly.
Carnell Smith, 41, an engineer in Decatur, Ga., who was getting
nowhere
in challenging a support decree, started a group called U.S.
Citizens
Against Paternity Fraud that lobbied for the law Georgia Gov. Roy
Barnes signed in May. The slogan on the Web site of Smith's group
( http://www.paternityfraud.com/
): "If the genes don't fit, you must
acquit." Smith is back in court and says, "I fully intend
to be one of
the first people to be released."
Pending in Vermont is the toughest bill of all. It would make a
mother's knowingly false allegation of fatherhood a felony that
could
put her behind bars for up to two years and fine her up to $5,000.
"A
woman almost always knows who the father is, and if she puts down
the
wrong person knowingly and it's costing him money, it's just plain
fraud," says state Rep. Leo Valliere, a Republican, the bill's
sponsor.
Men's rights groups aren't advancing everywhere. California Gov.
Gray
Davis vetoed a bill in September that was opposed by women's
organizations. It would have given men two years after discovering
they
weren't the father to produce the DNA evidence to prove it. Florida
paternity fraud bills died this year. A package of bills passed the
Michigan House 102-0 but is stalled in the Senate.
'Dump the child'
Some analysts say laws need revising but DNA shouldn't be decisive.
"Some people want to dump the child and say biology is all that
matters, not relationships," says Jack Sampson, a law professor
at the
University of Texas-Austin. Carol Sanger, a family law professor at
Columbia University in New York, says the law should be more
generous
to men who may not even know a child than to dads who have been
living
with the kids they didn't father.
"Families are more complicated than who's biologically related
to
whom," says Valerie Ackerman, staff director for the National
Center
for Youth Law in Oakland. "If there has been a relationship
between a
father and child, the man can't just abdicate the responsibility
that
he's taken on."
Supporters of current law say the interests of the child should
trump a
man's concern for his wallet. "The other guy is somewhere over
the hill
and long gone," says Jenny Skoble, an attorney at the Harriet
Buhai
Center for Family Law in Los Angeles. "If it comes down to
whether the
only (available) father is going to be on the hook to pay money or
this
kid is going to be in the situation of having no father, I'd say we
have to put the child first."
Men who want relief say it's a matter of equity. "DNA equals
truth,"
says Patrick McCarthy, 41, a Hillsborough, N.J., package courier.
After
paying for 13 years to support a girl he denies fathering, McCarthy
co-founded New Jersey Citizens Against Paternity Fraud. The group
has
put up nine billboards supporting the pending bill in New Jersey.
The
ads depict a pregnant woman and ask, "Is it yours? If not, you
still
have to pay!"
"Obviously, there's more to fatherhood than genes,"
McCarthy
acknowledges. "However, to pay support on a non-biological
offspring
should be an individual choice, not ordered by the courts."
Adams says
he's willing to directly aid the child he'd thought was his but
doesn't
want to give his ex-wife any more cash.
Trouble could be minimized if all children were DNA-tested at birth
or
at the time of divorce, says Geraldine Jensen, president of the
Association for Children for Enforcement of Support. She says
maternity
wards should distribute pamphlets telling men, "Get tested now
if you
have any questions, because doing it later will disrupt this child's
life."
© Copyright 2002 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Co. Inc.
USA TODAY Home: http://www.usatoday.com/usafront.htm
===
Related articles/websites:
[copies of any/all of these articles are available by request to
acfclist]
States Consider Laws Against Paternity Fraud
Child Advocates Worry About Effects
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A21544-2002Oct13.html
by Robert E. Pierre -- Washington Post, 14 Oct 02
Nondads bearing DNA proof left to pay by Davis veto
Victims of paternity fraud had hoped bill would end support
obligations.
http://www2.ocregister.com/ocrweb/ocr/article.do?id=6878§ion=NEWS&year=2002&month=10&day=13
by JENIFER B. McKIM -- Orange County Register, 13 Oct 02
House bill would penalize mothers who misidentify fathers
http://www.mlive.com/cns/index.ssf?/articles/2002_1011/dna.html
by BREANNA SHEPHERD -- CNS, 11 Oct 02
Preserving paternity fraud
http://www2.ocregister.com/ocrweb/ocr/article.do?id=5274§ion=COMMENTARY
by Thompson with Sacks -- Orange County Register, 03 Oct 02
Duped Dads
Men Fight Centuries-Old Paternity Laws
http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/DailyNews/paternity021002.html
by Geraldine Sealey -- ABC News, 02 Oct 02
Davis vetoes tests to ID dads
PATERNITY: Men forced to support children not their own say
bill would have offered relief. They vow to fight on.
http://www.dailybreeze.com/content/bln/nmpaternity28.html
by Jasmine Lee, Daily Breeze -- 28 Sep 02
State reform plan fights rising paternity fraud
http://www.detnews.com/2002/editorial/0209/25/a11-595936.htm
by Thompson & Sacks -- Detroit News, 25 Sep 02
Bill would reform state's paternity law
http://www.dailybreeze.com/content/bln/nmsupport28.html
by Jasmine Lee -- Daily Breeze, 28 Jul 02
Opposing view: Clearing up the paternity process
http://www.sacbee.com/content/opinion/story/3545532p-4572086c.html
by Roderick D. Wright -- Sacramento Bee, 12 Jul 02
Ideology Still Trumps Science for Feminists
http://www.pacificresearch.org/pub/con/2002/con_02-07-08.html
by Sally C. Pipes -- PRI/Contrarian, 08 Jul 02
'Dads' cleared by DNA fight 'paternity fraud'
http://www.washtimes.com/national/20020622-31655902.htm
by Cheryl Wetzstein -- Washington Times, 22 Jun 02
Editorial: What is fatherhood?
It's more than biology -- much more
http://www.sacbee.com/content/opinion/editorials/story/3289854p-4316029c.html
Sacramento Bee Editorial -- Sacramento Bee, 21 Jun 02
The Daddy Trap
Missouri's child-support cops won't take DNA for an answer.
http://www.pitch.com/issues/2002-07-11/stline.html/1/index.html
by Deb Hipp -- The Pitch, 11 Jul 02
Q: Should courts allow DNA testing to determine paternity in
child-support cases?
http://www.insightmag.com/main.cfm?section_id=78074&include=section
Symposium -- Insight Magazine, 27 May 02
YES by Dianna Thompson
http://www.insightmag.com/news/249705.html
NO by Jenny Skoble
http://www.insightmag.com/news/249708.html
[both responses were posted on 06 May 02]
Truth is no defense in state paternity suits
http://www.examiner.com/opinion/default.jsp?story=OPfathers041502w
by Dianna Thompson -- San Francisco Examiner, 15 Apr 02
DNA Shakes Up Child Support Law
California Paternity Justice Act:
If the Genes Don't Fit, You Must Acquit
http://www.glennsacks.com/california_paternity_justice.htm
by Glenn Sacks -- glennsacks.com, 15 Mar 02
Fathers fight paternity fraud
http://www.townhall.com/columnists/kathleenparker/kp20010224.shtml
by Kathleen Parker -- Townhall, 24 Feb 01
Paternity Fraud Action Alert
Should Non-fathers Pay Child Support? / Help free forced fathers
http://www.congress.org/congressorg/issues/alert/?alertid=784501&content_dir=ua_congressorg
US Citizens Against Paternity Fraud
http://www.paternityfraud.com/
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Washington Times
November 21, 2002
Families and the war
by Dianna Thompson and Glenn Sacks
As the United States prepares for war
against Iraq, tens of thousands
of fathers who serve as reservists are preparing to say goodbye to
their families and serve their country overseas. Yet, America's
enemies
abroad are not the only danger these dedicated men will face. Upon
return, those with child support orders will face a threat here at
home - the war that is being waged against "deadbeat
dads."
Bobby Sherrill, a divorced father of two from Parkton, N.C., was a
casualty of that war. Mr. Sherrill, who worked for Lockheed in
Kuwait
before being captured and held hostage by Iraq for nearly five
harrowing
months, was arrested the night he returned from the Persian Gulf
War.
Why? For failing to pay $1,425 in child support while he was a
captive.
If laws are not changed, thousands of today's reservists could face
a
similar threat. Reservists' child-support obligations are based upon
their civilian pay, which is generally higher than their active-duty
armed forces pay. When a child-support obligor's pay decreases, the
remedy is to go to court and get a downward modification. However,
since reservists are often mobilized with as little as 24-hours
notice,
few are able to get these modifications before they leave. As a
result,
many reservists fall hopelessly behind while serving, and can be
subject to arrest for nonpayment of child support upon their return.
For example, a naval reservist who has three children and who takes
home $4,000 a month in his civilian job could have a child support
obligation of about $1,600 a month. If this father is a petty
officer
second class (E5) who has been in the reserves for six or seven
years -
a middle-ranked reservist - his active-duty pay would only be $1,912
before taxes, in addition to a housing allowance.
States assess interest on arrearages as well as penalties on
past-due
child support. Because the federal Bradley amendment prevents judges
from retroactively modifying or forgiving support, obligors who fall
behind for legitimate reasons cannot have these arrearages wiped
out.
And even those returning servicemen who avoid jail or other
sanctions
may still spend years trying to pay off their child support debt - a
debt created entirely by their willingness to serve their country.
Though the Family Support Act of 1988 allows noncustodial parents
who
have had a reduction in income to request a decrease in their child
support by getting downward modifications, few state agencies honor
such requests. According to Elaine Sorensen of the Urban Institute,
even among fathers who experience income drops of 15 percent or
more,
less than one in 20 are able to get courts to reduce their
child-support
payments. Because state agencies are federally reimbursed for every
child-support dollar they collect, states have a powerful incentive
to grab
and hold on to every dollar they can.
Another problem is that the child support money that the armed
forces
are supposed to take out of reservists' paychecks and send to their
families sometimes does not arrive. This was an issue for many Gulf
War
veterans, and reservists are having similar difficulties today. For
example, Diane Keary, a custodial mother from Monsey, N.Y., has not
received a child-support check since Joseph Keary Sr., her
ex-husband,
was called to active duty five months ago. Computer glitches such as
this, as well as billing errors, can leave reservists subject to
government sanctions upon their return.
What is needed to solve the problem is legislation like that passed
by
the Missouri legislature in the days leading up to the Gulf War. The
Missouri statute, which is unique in the nation, requires an
automatic
adjustment of support for reservists called up for active duty.
During the Gulf War, more than 250,000 reservists were called up,
and
today more than 75,000 reservists and National Guard troops are on
active duty as a result of the events of September 11. Many are now
being
notified that they will be expected to serve another year, and a
total of
1.3 million reservists could be called into service for indefinite
periods in
the event of war.
James, a 16-year veteran of the Navy and the commander of a
177-member
Naval Reserve Unit on the West Coast, is concerned about the effect
that
the current child-support policies could have upon his sailors when
they are
called to active duty. He says: "My people are sacrificing a
lot to serve.
I want them focused on our assigned mission. I don't want them
worrying
that their own government might come after them."
--
Dianna Thompson is a founder and executive director of the American
Coalition for Fathers and Children. E-mail: DThompson2232@aol.com.
Glenn Sacks writes about gender issues from the male perspective.
E-mail: Glenn@GlennSacks.com.
Copyright © 2002 News World Communications, Inc. All rights
reserved.
Washington Times Home: http://www.washingtontimes.com/
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Age (Melbourne)
October 05, 2002
Fathers key to success
by Caroline Milburn
Fathers have a bigger impact than mothers on whether a child is
cooperative and self-reliant in the first year of school, a study
has
found.
The study on how well a child makes the leap from toddlerhood to
school
shows that men matter.
Children whose fathers regularly looked after them during their
infancy
and preschool years were more self-disciplined and had better social
skills than others whose fathers spent less time alone with them.
The findings from the study of 212 children in their first year of
school
will be released today at a conference on early childhood issues in
Melbourne.
The children came from a wide range of backgrounds and included
single-parent families and two-parent families. The time that
fathers
spent in charge of their infants and toddlers varied from two hours
a week
in some families to more than 30 hours in others.
The study found that mothers were an important influence on their
children's ability to cooperate, especially when the child was
between two
and three. However, the extent of a father's involvement in caring
for a
child between birth to five years old was found to be more
influential on
a child's ability to cooperate and obey instructions when they
started
school.
Children whose fathers rarely looked after them were more likely to
be
hyperactive or have other behaviour problems in their first year of
school.
The study's author, Kay Margetts, a lecturer in early childhood
education
at Melbourne University, said more research was needed to discover
why
father care was so important in helping a child adjust to school.
"There's something about a father's engagement with the
day-to-day care of
young children that is beneficial," Dr Margetts said.
"It seems that the more regularly a father cares for his
children, even if
it's when mum is doing something else in the house, the better the
child
does in that first school year."
She said policy debates about child care had placed too much
emphasis on a
mother's role in parenting at the father's expense.
"These findings show that shared care of children is important.
We've got
to move away from the view that mother care is the best type of
care."
Copyright © 2002 The Age Company Ltd.
The Age Home: http://www.theage.com.au/
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Spectator by Griffin
Stone
Here is the letter that was sent:
Dear Sir,
Griffin Stone's excellent piece on child stealing from fathers
implies it
is a British problem. In fact, it is rampant throughout the
English-speaking world and beyond. Countries with such traditional
family
morality as Japan and India are experiencing epidemics of maternal
child
snatching, which is invariably rewarded by courts.
How American lawyers could be shocked at the actions of British
courts is
perplexing. In virtually every American jurisdiction, fathers are
losing
not only their children but their homes, their life savings, future
earnings, and freedom through divorces for which they gave neither
consent
nor grounds. American fathers are rounded up in pre-dawn raids and
jailed
indefinitely without trial or counsel. The US Attorney General
recently
announced mass arrests of fathers in which the avowed purpose was
not to
prosecute any particular lawbreaker but to spread fear. In Canada,
special
domestic violence courts remove fathers from their homes, confiscate
their
property, and jail them with no semblance of due process. Canada,
Australia, New Zealand, and the US now have skyrocketing suicide
rates
among divorced fathers, as does Britain.
Stone also tends to trivialize his plight by attributing it to
judicial
"inertia and defeatism". In fact, it reveals perhaps the
most dangerous
trend in politics today: the use of children as political weapons.
Family
courts, operating in unaccountable secrecy, reward child stealing
because
it extends the power and reach of the state and the earnings of its
operatives. It allows the state to achieve one of its most coveted
and
dangerous ambitions: to control the private lives of its citizens.
Once
the father is eliminated, state officials administer the family and
the
personal life of every member. Family courts recognize no private
sphere
of life.
Involuntary divorce is not a phenomenon; it is a regime - a
marvelously
self-perpetuating political machine that allows for the infinite
expansion
of government power. By removing fathers, the state creates a host
of
problems for itself to solve - the problems now brutally familiar as
the
products of father absence: child poverty, child abuse, juvenile
crime,
drug abuse, and much more.
There is nothing baffling about Stone's ordeal. It represents a
direct
assault, ideologically driven and bureaucratically enforced, on the
family
and the social foundation of civilization itself.
Yours,
Stephen Baskerville, PhD (LSE)
Department of Political Science
Howard University
Washington, DC 20059
+202-806-7267
+703-560-5138
(PS: Perhaps you would like a full article elaborating on and
documenting
these points? My work has been published in many American and
international publications, including the Washington Post,
Washington
Times, Liberty magazine, Women's Quarterly, Catholic World Report,
Crisis
magazine, Insight magazine, World Net Daily, Family Policy, the
American
Spectator, American Enterprise magazine, Human Events, and the
Sunday
Independent.)
~~~
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Spectator
24 August 2002
Cover Story
When your wife kidnaps your child
Griffin Stone shows how British justice tramples on the rights of
fathers
and brutally deprives them of access to their offspring
I am a member of a club I never wanted to join. I barely knew the
club
existed until I had become a member. I would love to pull out
altogether,
but the decision, unfortunately, isn't mine.
I see my fellow members as a breed of noble losers, though my
self-image
doesn't permit me to see myself that way. They are men - yes, it is
an
overwhelmingly male club, though women have been known to gain entry
- who
have lost court battles (usually many), personal struggles, money,
time,
professional standing and peace of mind, yet still fight on because
they
believe they are right, because they can't give up, they won't let
go. I
would say many of them are obsessive. I don't blame them.
We are parents who have been cut off from our children. The degree
of
estrangement varies greatly, from some fathers who haven't seen
their
children for years, to others who are seeing them a few times a
year, or
monthly, but under controlled and often demeaning circumstances.
These are
not child-abusers, sexual deviants, drug addicts or alcoholics,
though
many have been accused of being one or more of the above. Members of
this
club are, overwhelmingly, good men who have had children with women
who
probably would like to see their ex-partners drop off the face of
the
earth, and then close or unreasonably restrict access to their
children.
All over Britain, children are being deprived of contact with one of
the
two most important people in their lives - their fathers. Few
realise how
widespread this phenomenon is: according to Families Need Fathers,
between
40 and 50 per cent of men lose contact with their children within
two
years of a separation. In a nation where 50 per cent of couples will
separate before the children are 15, that means up to a quarter of
our
children aren't seeing their dads. And the system helps to make it
that
way.
Two Mondays a month, a group of fathers in these circumstances meets
in a
village pub not far from my home. One of the fathers who attends is
Paul.
He and his wife separated, and for some months had, by mutual
agreement,
more or less equal time with the children. There were rough patches
and
disagreements, though overall it was working. He took his daughters,
then
six and eight years old, on a week-long holiday in Cornwall. A few
days
after they returned, his wife said that his daughters told her that
he had
been violent and abusive to them. She closed his contact with them,
saying
they were petrified of him. All attempts at reasoning with her
failed. He
had photographs of the holiday showing two smiling, happy girls. The
hotel
staff wrote notarised statements avowing that nothing untoward had
happened and that they all seemed happy together.
All to no avail. Paul applied to court to obtain a contact order,
but the
court welfare officer recommended a slow, gradual resumption of
contact to
rebuild his wife's confidence in him. In one exchange, the welfare
officer
told Paul that it happened all the time; she herself closed contact
between her children and their father for ten years.
The case didn't reach court for nearly a year, during which time
Paul didn
't see his daughters. The court eventually ordered that Paul could
see his
daughters for 45 minutes, in a contact centre, twice a month, with
his
wife present. But even this proved too much for her; after the first
visit, she refused to bring them for further contact. He returned to
court; rather than attempting to enforce its original order, the
court
reduced his access to 45 minutes of supervised contact three times
every
two months. The court refused his request for open telephone contact
on
the grounds that it would cause stress for his wife. Eighteen months
later, Paul has seen his daughters three times, for just 45 minutes
per
visit, under the strict supervision of their mother. On the advice
of a
child psychologist, Paul has been instructed not to touch his
daughters
during these brief meetings, lest he upset his ex-wife.
Some of the more dramatic cases in our club involve 'leave to
remove'
cases, where a mother - yes, it is always the mother -applies to
take the
children to live permanently in another country. Though the official
line
is that there is no presumption in favour of a mother wishing to
leave the
country, in fact it is extremely difficult to prevent her doing so.
After taking their three-month-old son and moving back in with her
parents, Nigel's wife applied to move with their son to
Philadelphia,
where she claimed to have a wonderful career opportunity. She had
obstructed Nigel's contact before her application. A British
national, she
had never worked or lived in the US, and had no other family there.
The
judge overruled Nigel's objections, saying that his wife would be
distressed if forced to stay in London against her wishes. He
granted
Nigel visits of two hours a day for three consecutive days once a
month.
Nigel made the monthly trek to Philadelphia for six months,
sometimes to
find the visits cancelled and never to enjoy one minute more with
his son
than the court had ordered. But then the dream job in Philadelphia
apparently turned sour, and Nigel's ex-wife moved to Seattle. Once
there,
she applied to reduce Nigel's visits from once a month to once every
three
months. The English court agreed, and then transferred jurisdiction
to the
courts in the state of Washington.
Nigel's visits are still fraught; someone is always present to watch
him,
often videotaping his time with his daughter. The visits are prone
to be
cancelled at the last minute. He has consulted lawyers in the US,
who have
expressed shock and dismay at the approach of the English courts to
his
and other cases.
'Is that legal? Can she do that?' ask people who hear stories like
Paul's
and Nigel's. The answer is a resounding 'Yes.' She can do whatever
she
pleases.
Lesson number one for any man in a child-care dispute: you are
guilty
until proved innocent. She can say and do anything to put you on the
defensive, and you will be on the defensive. Meanwhile, she can be
an
emotionally incompetent parent, but that is not considered material
if the
child is clothed, fed and sheltered. The burden is on you to prove
that
your child should see you or spend more time with you or stay the
night
with you. If the mother of your child decides to close your contact,
she
can do so, regardless of a court order. Sure, you can apply to court
to
reopen contact, get an appointment three months hence, and a judge
will
probably eventually order that some contact be resumed. But you will
have
missed several months of your children's lives, probably on some
minor,
possibly fabricated pretext.
Lesson number two is that the court rightly considers your child's
wellbeing to be paramount in all its decisions. But that is a cloudy
concept, and many judges consider the wellbeing of your ex-wife, as
the
primary care-giver, to be tantamount to that of the child. So she
can say,
'He stresses me out,' and a court may well restrict your contact
with your
children on that basis.
Lesson number three is that nobody besides your friends and family
cares,
despite this being the most pervasive source of dissatisfaction with
the
family-law system. It isn't the only problem with the system. There
are
genuine cases of abuse or negligence by fathers; mothers
incapacitated by
drugs, alcohol, violence; incapable mothers and fathers;
difficulties in
establishing paternity and the like. But among men who have had a
child
with a woman to whom they are no longer married or in a relationship
with,
some 90 per cent say they would like to spend more time with their
children. At the same time, 42 per cent of children report that
their
mothers have tried to prevent them from having contact with their
fathers.
A much higher proportion of men say this has happened to them. Yet
there
is no men's movement to speak of. Talk of fathers' rights is usually
met
with derision. We are seen, even by the judiciary, as a bunch of
obsessive
softies who haven't managed to move on. Society is telling us: walk
away.
It's not supposed to be this way. Parliament recognised long ago
that
family law left little room for divorced fathers, and sought to
rectify
the problem with the Children's Act of 1989. That Act did away with
the
concept of custody. Instead, it defined a series of parental
responsibilities and parental rights. These are in theory shared
equally
by the primary care-giver and the 'non-resident' parent. They
include the
responsibility to feed, shelter and clothe the child, and provide
for his
or her education, health and wellbeing. The child has a right to a
relationship with both parents, but nowhere is a minimum regime of
contact
defined. The every- other-weekend-and-half-of-school-holidays
formula -
the accepted standard, paltry as it is - is not part of English law.
And
even that right can be trampled on by a primary care-giver (almost
always
a woman), with no consequences.
Why? The explanations are murky. Some say judges want minimum hassle
and
maximum throughput on cases. Who can blame them? After all, let's
say you'
re a judge, and you take a reasonable and balanced decision between
a
father and a mother at odds over his contact with the children.
There's a
good chance she will violate it, abscond with the children, create a
scene
in the courtroom. However, if you err on her side, tell the father
to back
off and leave them in peace, he'll take it like a man, and everyone
will
shut up. No judge wants to be accused of sexism, of prejudice, of
conspiracy. So, one way to avoid problems is to try to keep the
people who
cause problems out of court, i.e., placate mad mothers, punish
earnest,
would-be fathers.
Others believe the reflex in favour of the mother is a legacy of
political
feminism. 'This isn't the will of Parliament, but it is the will of
politicians,' one MP told me. 'This is simply an area of policy and
the
law that has been ceded to the women's movement.'
More likely the explanation is inertia and defeatism. Parliament
insists
it can't get involved with judicial decisions, and the judiciary
says its
decisions reflect the will of Parliament, though this is
demonstrably not
the case. Promotions in the judiciary depend on well-written and
reasoned
decisions that cite precedent and don't make waves. Judges at the
top of
the family division have a vested interest in seeing their
precedents
endure. So the status quo is accepted, though most of those working
in the
field of family law know it is wrong, antiquated and
counterproductive.
To be sure, some in the judiciary recognise that there is a problem.
The
Lord Chancellor's department issued a report earlier this year
entitled
'Making Contact Work'. The very existence of this report is an
acknowledgment that contact isn't working in Britain. The report
proposed
many sensible steps to improve the system, including empowering
courts to
order family counselling and education for parents who deny the
importance
of the other parent. It proposed considering a California-style
system of
equal parenting, in which the starting point at separation or
divorce is
that each parent will have equal time with and responsibility for
the
children, unless there is a reason not to allow such a regime.
But even those proposals have raised opposition. Women's groups that
participated in the report insisted that the key issue to focus on
was
domestic violence, and argued against a tilt towards equal parental
rights.
Lastly, in the name of protecting our children's anonymity, our
family
courts operate in a shell of secrecy which rivals that of any
dictatorship. Though the reason for this secrecy is a good one, the
result
is what happens in any institution that is shielded from scrutiny:
abuse,
arrogance and overreach.
Because of these constraints, I cannot write in detail about my own
case,
and must use a pseudonym. Details of the other stories have also
been
changed to protect the children. But I have been through something
like
Nigel's experiences, and my son now lives in another European
country. His
mother is British, not a citizen of that country, had no family ties
there, and did not enjoy better career prospects there than in
Britain.
She had obstructed my contact with our son before leaving, and a
court
welfare officer recommended against leave being granted. The English
judge
brushed that aside and granted her permission to leave, on the
grounds
that she is an unstable woman who may be distressed if forced to
stay. The
judge said that she might obstruct contact again, so it was best to
let
her go. A total judicial cop-out.
That, in a nutshell, is our judiciary at work. The mere possibility
of
stress for a mother is deemed more harmful to children than a
certain
reduction and possible permanent cessation of contact with the
father.
Fathers, it would seem, are expendable. This is despite a growing
body of
research and evidence to the contrary: it is now widely accepted
that a
strong bond with both parents is the most critical factor in a
child's
stability and emotional wellbeing.
The lack of fairness and equality, the financial and practical
burden
placed on me now, and the consequent pain and anger are taking their
toll.
By disregarding fathers' rights and emotional wellbeing, our system
today
is testing their commitment beyond what can be reasonably expected.
It
happens all the time. That's why so many walk away.
P.S.: I haven't walked away. I have been travelling every month to
see my
child. It is expensive and disruptive, but it is the only way to see
him.
I am considering moving country to be more available to my son. I
shouldn'
t have to do that.
© 2002 The Spectator.co.uk
Spectator Home: http://www.spectator.co.uk/
===
Related article:
The Rape of Justice [or "How men get screwed"]
http://www.mensrights.com.au/page15p.htm
by Melanie Phillips -- The Spectator, 10 Jun 00
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Time Magazine
September 2, 2002
Vol. 160 No. 10
Making Money Off Deadbeat Dads
Private collection agencies are going after delinquent parents who
owe
child support. But do the companies benefit kids or themselves?
by NADYA LABI
Suzanne Simmonds was fed up. For 6 1/2 years, she had been unable to
collect the child support her ex-boyfriend was legally required to
pay. So
in January 2001 she signed a contract with Child Support Network.
She
agreed to pay the Arizona company a $500 application fee and a 35%
commission on any collections of the $3,800 owed to her daughter.
After
five months, the agency had pocketed $885, and Simmonds had received
just
$215. When she tried to get out of the contract, the company
refused,
ordered her to pay more than $1,800 for its efforts and sent her a
scolding letter. "This is shameful conduct on your part and
makes you no
better than a non-custodial parent," said the letter. "Do
you think those
payments started coming through divine intervention? I think
not."
As if deadbeat parents were not bad enough. Now aggravated spouses
have
a new gripe: profiteering companies that offer to help chase down
the more
than $89 billion in child-support payments that American parents
have
failed to make. Deadbeat bounty hunting is a small but growing
field.
There are at least 38 private businesses, up from a smattering a
decade
ago. The biggest of them, Supportkids, has 30,000 open cases and has
collected more than $120 million from deadbeats since it was founded
11
years ago. But it has also kept $40 million for itself, which raises
the
question, Do companies like Supportkids profit children - or mainly
themselves?
State agencies and nonprofit organizations have received hundreds of
complaints in the past few years from clients who feel bilked. Some
custodial parents don't realize how difficult the contracts are to
cancel
and find themselves paying exorbitant fees for services that aren't
fully
delivered. "We have all sorts of people who have gone to
private agencies
and feel ripped off and lied to," says Geraldine Jensen of the
Association
for Children for Enforcement of Support, whose members are
low-income
parents seeking child support. Channeling the collective anger,
Charles
Barr, a lawyer in Milwaukee, Wis., has filed a class action accusing
Supportkids of misleading advertising and unconscionable contracts.
The bounty-hunting industry might not exist if the government were
more
competent. The state is supposed to collect child support free of
charge.
The welfare-reform act of 1996 tried to make the job easier by
linking
government databases and requiring firms to report new employees to
child-support agencies. The Bush Administration made deadbeats an
issue in
July when it began arresting dozens of delinquent parents
nationwide. But
collection rates are still feeble. The amount of unpaid child
support
nearly doubled from 1996 to 2000, according to the latest available
figures from the General Accounting Office, paving the way for more
and
more private firms to move in. "When a custodial parent comes
to us, they
have on average not been getting money for four years," says
David Conder,
president of the national association of private collection
agencies. "We
bring money into the household. Very rarely do we take it out."
Supportkids promises to hunt down deadbeats and devote personal
attention
to custodial parents. Many customers are appreciative. Nancy Fox,
46, lost
patience with the child-support office in Ann Arbor, Mich., after a
decade
of trying to squeeze payments out of her ex-husband. Months after
hiring
Supportkids in 1999, she gladly received a lump-sum payment of
$7,590--after Supportkids took its 34% commission. When the state
agency
suggested that she might be better off canceling her contract with
Supportkids, she recalls asking, "What are you, crazy? Then
who's going to
collect the money for me?"
But Supportkids' aggressive tactics have angered others. The company
requires clients to sign a change-of-address form that directs
support
payments first to its office in Austin, Texas. The company takes its
cut
and then disburses the remainder. Dan Beck, a radio operations
manager in
Kearney, Neb., initially agreed to the arrangement. He hired
Supportkids
to collect the $25,000 in arrears that his ex-wife owed their four
children. Then he discovered that the company had taken 34% out of
four
tax intercepts - money that the Internal Revenue Service, not
Supportkids,
had withheld from her tax refunds. He managed to get that money
back, but
he could not get out of his contract. Ok Cha Adams, a housewife in
St.
Louis, Mo., similarly agreed to turn over a third of nearly $17,000
in
child-support arrears to the company. Then she learned from a
Cleveland
Plain Dealer reporter that it was not Supportkids but the military
that
had garnished her ex-husband's wages. Supportkids counters that it
deserved the money because of its efforts to secure payment. It adds
that
the overwhelming majority of its clients are satisfied customers,
noting
that fewer than 1% file "official" complaints.
Supportkids maintains that it has no way of knowing whether checks
are
government intercepts or wage garnishments that Supportkids put in
place.
It says its policy is not to charge fees on funds that its 400
"enforcers"
do not collect. But Paula Gardner, who resigned as an enforcer at
Supportkids earlier this year, says that policy meant little in
practice.
"We were asked to have employers reroute wage-garnishment
payments to
Supportkids whether we filed those garnishments or not," she
says. She
recalls her first case in November of last year. "We did
nothing for it, and
Supportkids took a third of the money," she says. "The
mom's name was
Mary, and she sent me a handwritten thank-you card."
The Bush Administration, while aware of the complaints, does not
seem to
want to get involved. (Supportkids' CEO, Casey Hoffman, worked on
Bush's
transition team.) "If a family chooses to engage a private
collection
firm, parents ought to have that option, so long as the agreement is
clear
up front," says Wade Horn, Assistant Secretary for Children and
Families
at the Department of Health and Human Services. But some critics of
the
private sector urge the Administration to do more. "Here we
have an
industry where some of the companies, by almost any measure, are
alleged
to be doing bad things," says Vicki Turetsky, a senior staff
attorney at
the Center for Law and Social Policy, a nonprofit organization that
works
on behalf of low-income families. "But there's no message
coming from the
Bush Administration that these practices won't be tolerated." A
few
states, including Connecticut, have passed laws capping commissions.
At
the federal level, however, there are no rules governing
child-support
collection, even though consumer-debt collection has been regulated
since
the 1970s.
Still, an industry that turns up the heat on others is learning how
it
feels. Gary Katz, CEO of Child Support Network, the nation's second
biggest deadbeat-collection firm, worries that a small number of
complaints could endanger what he feels is "a critical option
for moms
seeking help." He adds that his company brought an array of
investigative
resources to bear upon Suzanne Simmonds' case and therefore earned
its
fees. And for the record, his company no longer uses the form letter
sent
to Simmonds - but not because it contained harsh language. Katz
explains,
"We stopped using it because it wasn't effective."
With reporting by Deirdre van Dyk
Copyright © 2002 Time Inc. All rights reserved.
Time Home: http://www.time.com/time
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
|
Father/Male Involvement Reports.....
Father/Male Involvement in
Early Childhood Programs. ERIC Digest.
Parents, educators, researchers, and policymakers all assert the
value of positive home-school partnerships. This focus on parental
involvement in school settings comes at a time when early childhood
programs increasingly consist of children from single-parent
households, recombined or blended families, foster-parent homes,
extended families with relatives, or a variety of other family
situations (Epstein, 1988). A major challenge for family support
professionals working in early childhood settings is to restructure
program policies and practices aimed at increasing parent
involvement to reflect the new realities of family structure,
lifestyle, and ethnic characteristics. This effort is crucial as an
increasing number of states and local public school systems move
toward offering pre-kindergarten programs for children from
economically disadvantaged and "high-risk" backgrounds (Karweit,
1993).
FATHER/MALE INVOLVEMENT IN
EARLY CHILDHOOD SETTINGS
An important yet often overlooked strategy in the effort to increase
parent involvement in early childhood programs is involving fathers
or other significant male role figures. The notion that all fathers
of children from low-income and high-risk backgrounds absent
themselves from child rearing is a myth that permeates program
development efforts in this area. For example, in a recent study of
a pre-kindergarten at-risk program, McBride and Lin (in press) found
that a majority of the mothers surveyed reported their children had
regular and consistent interaction with a father or other male role
figure despite the high proportion of single-parent families being
served by the program. In a nationwide survey of Head Start programs
serving low-income families, Levine (1993) found that a man is
present (whether the father, mother's boyfriend, or other male
relative) in approximately 60 percent of Head Start families.
Furthermore, in a similar nationwide survey of Head Start programs,
Gary et al. (1987) found that the majority of parents and staff
members felt that emphasis should be placed on getting Head Start
fathers involved in the program.
The myths and stereotypes surrounding men in low-income and
high-risk households have had a significant negative impact on
policies relating to programs that benefit disadvantaged families
(Levine, 1993). Generally these policies identify
"parents" as targets for their outreach initiatives, yet
program implementation typically discourages the participation of
men in parent involvement activities. The lack of initiatives
designed to encourage male involvement in pre-kindergarten programs
for children who are at risk for later school failure does not build
upon the strengths that many of these men can bring to the parenting
situation--strengths that can be utilized in the development of
effective home-school partnerships. When men become actively
involved, they can have positive impacts on many aspects of
children's development (see Lamb, in press, for a comprehensive
review).
GETTING FATHERS/MALES
INVOLVED
Given the support for increased involvement of parents in their
children's schooling and the positive contributions men can make to
their children's development, it is important to reach out
specifically to fathers or other significant males in parent
involvement efforts for pre-kindergarten and early childhood
programs. In doing so, however, it is important to recognize at the
outset that several barriers must be overcome in order to
successfully get men more involved.
Levine (1993) has outlined four factors that constrain Head Start
and state-funded pre-kindergarten programs from encouraging father
involvement: (1) fathers' fears of exposing inadequacies; (2)
ambivalence of program staff members about father involvement; (3)
gatekeeping by mothers; and (4) inappropriate program design and
delivery. Each one of these barriers must be overcome as programs
attempt to encourage and facilitate increased involvement of fathers
in their children's school experiences.
McBride and his colleagues (McBride, Obuchowski, & Rane,
1996) have identified several key issues that need to be explored as
early childhood programs struggle to build stronger home-school
partnerships through the development and implementation of parent
involvement initiatives targeted at men.
1. BE SPECIFIC ABOUT GOALS
Early childhood educators need to be specific in their reasons
for developing parent involvement initiatives targeted at men. Prior
to developing such initiatives, educators must ask themselves why
they think such efforts are important and how they can enhance the
services being provided to children and families. There are clear
benefits to encouraging male involvement in early childhood programs
for enrolled children, their families, and the programs in general.
Focusing on male involvement because it is currently a
"hot" social issue increases the likelihood that such
efforts will wane when the next big issue emerges.
2. ACKNOWLEDGE RESISTANCE TO INITIATIVES
Not everyone will be committed to the concept of parent
involvement initiatives targeted at fathers or other significant
males. The lack of male involvement and "responsible"
fathering behaviors is often cited as a major reason for children's
later school failure, and many people will question why resources
should be targeted at these men when they are viewed as the primary
cause of the problems facing children. This resistance may come from
mothers, teachers, school administrators, and community leaders.
Since support from these groups is critical to the success of parent
involvement initiatives designed for men, educators will need to
build a strong rationale for developing such initiatives, a
rationale that can be clearly articulated to these groups in order
to gain their support for such efforts.
3. IDENTIFY THE SIGNIFICANT MALE ROLE FIGURES
Educators will need to be specific about whom to target in their
efforts to encourage male involvement. Research data have indicated
that children growing up in low-income and single-parent homes often
have regular and consistent interactions with a father figure,
although not necessarily their biological father. Focusing efforts
on biological fathers will exclude a large proportion of men who
play significant roles in the lives of these children. The key for
educators will be to identify who the men are in the lives of these
children who can then become targets for these efforts.
4. PROVIDE TRAINING AND SUPPORT SERVICES FOR STAFF
Most early childhood educators have received little, if any,
formalized education and training in the area of parent involvement.
This is especially true in the area of male involvement in early
childhood programs. If such efforts are to be successful, teachers
will need staff development and in-service training experiences that
will allow them to develop a knowledge base from which to develop
and implement initiatives that are designed to encourage male
involvement in their programs.
5. TRAIN FEMALE FACILITATORS TO ACCEPT MALE INVOLVEMENT
Although having male staff members provide leadership to
initiatives designed to encourage male involvement in early
childhood programs would be desirable, such expectations are not
always realistic because the majority of professionals in this field
are female. Women can be successful in these efforts, but they must
acknowledge and build upon the unique strengths that men bring to
the parenting realm and be sensitive to differences in the ways in
which men and women approach parenting and interacting with young
children.
6. DON'T NEGLECT MOTHERS
Research has indicated that mothers tend to be the
"gatekeepers" to their children for fathers or other
significant male role figures. As educators develop initiatives to
encourage male involvement, they must not do so at the expense of
efforts targeted at mothers. Mothers need to be involved in the
development of these efforts from the beginning. They need to be
made aware of why resources are being put into developing these
activities and how they and their children will benefit. Eliciting
the support and involvement of mothers in developing such
initiatives can help insure the initiatives' success.
7. GO SLOWLY
As with any other initiative, early childhood educators must
proceed slowly in their efforts to encourage male involvement in
their programs. The key to success for these efforts is in building
a male-friendly environment that facilitates a culture of male
involvement in the program. However, building such a culture is a
long-term process, and educators shouldn't expect too much, too
soon. They should start slowly and build upon their successes.
8. DON'T REINVENT THE WHEEL
Many early childhood programs serving children who are at risk
for later school failure already include comprehensive parent
involvement components, although they tend to be targeted primarily
at mothers. When developing initiatives for male involvement,
educators should first evaluate the parent involvement components
already in place and explore how they may be adapted to reach out to
men in order to meet their unique needs.
CONCLUSION
Successful resolution of these issues will provide early childhood
programs with a solid foundation from which to develop and implement
parent involvement initiatives designed for men. Through such
initiatives, men can become valuable resources as educators struggle
to build stronger home-school partnerships aimed at strengthening
family units that will help young children achieve success as they
progress through the educational system.
REFERENCES
Epstein, J.L. (1988). How Do We Improve Programs for Parent
Involvement? EDUCATIONAL HORIZONS 66(2): 58-59. EJ 364 521.
Epstein, J.L. (1992). School and Family Partnerships. In M.C.
Alkin (Ed.), ENCYCLOPEDIA OF EDUCATIONAL RESEARCH (6th ed.) (pp.
1130-1151). New York: Macmillan.
Gary, L., L. Beatty, and G. Weaver. (1987). INVOLVEMENT OF BLACK
FATHERS IN HEAD START. (Final report submitted to the Department of
Health and Human Services, ACYF, Grant No. 90-CD-0509). Washington,
DC: Institute for Urban Affairs and Research, Howard University. ED
309 213.
Karweit, N. (1993). Effective Preschool and Kindergarten Programs
for Students At-Risk. In B. Spodek (Ed.), HANDBOOK OF RESEARCH ON
THE EDUCATION OF YOUNG CHILDREN (pp. 385-411). New York: Macmillan.
ED 361 107.
Lamb, M.E. (in press). THE ROLE OF THE FATHER IN CHIILD
DEVELOPMENT (3rd ed). Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.
Levine, J.A. (1993). Involving Fathers in Head Start: A Framework
for Public Policy and Program Development. FAMILIES IN SOCIETY,
74(1): 4-19.
McBride, B.A., and H. Lin. (in press). Parental Involvement in
Prekindergarten At-Risk Programs: Multiple Perspectives. JOURNAL OF
EDUCATION FOR STUDENTS PLACED AT-RISK.
McBride, B.A., M. Obuchowski, and T. Rane. (1996). Father/Male
Involvement in Prekindergarten At-Risk Programs: Research Guiding
Practice. Workshop presented at the Family Resource Coalition
Biennial Conference, Chicago, IL, May. |
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